The Honesty Factor

Sometimes in meetings, I wanted more honesty from the teachers, therapists, counselors, and specialists. Other times I appreciated their tendency to find the good. Also most professionals, myself included, prefer to avoid prophecy for the success or failure of an individual, particularly since there seem to be very few foolproof ingredients for determining the future. Yet obviously for an autistic child, the future does tend to be limited and sometimes parents need to think about what a child can or can't do and how that will affect the future.

In public school we work to identify those "at risk" students, the ones who for whatever reason display enough problems to be concerned about their possible graduation from high school. We then target those individuals and try to teach them a trade, a skill, knowing they may not be college bound but helping them become contributing citizens. In the case of autistic child, being at risk is not always obvious in light of a child's latent intelligence and display of some cognitive retention. Because of this, parents and teachers find themselves in a quandary on the best way to serve the needs of autistic children that prepares them for the future, a future that is unpredictable.

That said, most of our ARD meetings we heard the things that Joel can do but not much on what Joel cannot do. Had we received direct assessment on the weaknesses, it might have helped us in determining Joel's future. But, parents are rarely emotionally objective enough to deal with the honesty factor about their children. This makes for a healthy tension in meetings with professionals who although confident in their assessment of children and often have evaluation instruments to help organize their system, are not comfortable making recommendations that would limit the potential of an autistic child.

Parents should beware, however, of the tendency to paint a rosier picture than the reality dictates. Some of this is due to the fear of being accused of not striving for dismissal of the special education modifications and the specific problems. But the wise parent knows that only a combination of professional assessment, parental instinct, and the relentless quest for answers through dedicated effort can supply the kind of accurate evaluation needed for an autistic child.

Another ironic consideration for determining the future is that while there is no cure for autism, most autistic children learn how to cope or at least adjust to the world by the time they exit their teenage years. Some of this is due to maturation and some of this is due to experience. They finally comprehend at least to a point the complex world of innuendo, expressions, cliches, and sarcasm. This makes them appear to be less "autistic" and more in tune with social happenings around them. So in this respect, the autistic adult is able to fit in and become an contributing adult.

For our son Joel, the school did a superb job of providing an excellent education for him and preparing him for the future. For us, we simply did the best we could.