Sometimes in meetings, I wanted more honesty from the teachers, therapists, counselors, and specialists. Other times I appreciated their tendency to find the good. Also most professionals, myself included, prefer to avoid prophecy for the success or failure of an individual, particularly since there seem to be very few foolproof ingredients for determining the future. Yet obviously for an autistic child, the future does tend to be limited and sometimes parents need to think about what a child can or can't do and how that will affect the future.
In public school we work to identify those "at risk" students, the ones who for whatever reason display enough problems to be concerned about their possible graduation from high school. We then target those individuals and try to teach them a trade, a skill, knowing they may not be college bound but helping them become contributing citizens. In the case of autistic child, being at risk is not always obvious in light of a child's latent intelligence and display of some cognitive retention. Because of this, parents and teachers find themselves in a quandary on the best way to serve the needs of autistic children that prepares them for the future, a future that is unpredictable.
That said, most of our ARD meetings we heard the things that Joel can do but not much on what Joel cannot do. Had we received direct assessment on the weaknesses, it might have helped us in determining Joel's future. But, parents are rarely emotionally objective enough to deal with the honesty factor about their children. This makes for a healthy tension in meetings with professionals who although confident in their assessment of children and often have evaluation instruments to help organize their system, are not comfortable making recommendations that would limit the potential of an autistic child.
Parents should beware, however, of the tendency to paint a rosier picture than the reality dictates. Some of this is due to the fear of being accused of not striving for dismissal of the special education modifications and the specific problems. But the wise parent knows that only a combination of professional assessment, parental instinct, and the relentless quest for answers through dedicated effort can supply the kind of accurate evaluation needed for an autistic child.
Another ironic consideration for determining the future is that while there is no cure for autism, most autistic children learn how to cope or at least adjust to the world by the time they exit their teenage years. Some of this is due to maturation and some of this is due to experience. They finally comprehend at least to a point the complex world of innuendo, expressions, cliches, and sarcasm. This makes them appear to be less "autistic" and more in tune with social happenings around them. So in this respect, the autistic adult is able to fit in and become an contributing adult.
For our son Joel, the school did a superb job of providing an excellent education for him and preparing him for the future. For us, we simply did the best we could.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
The Meetings with Professionals
In Texas they are called ARD meetings. Other states have similar systems for targeting, teaching, and guiding the child in special education. Granted that not all autistic children require special education services, however, many do and whether there are learning disabilities or not associated with autism, it is likely that a child with autism will result in lengthy parental meetings with school officials. Let's take a few minutes to discuss the ARD meeting process.
Admission, Review, and Dismissal, shortened to ARD, are the terms used in special education. The idea being that a school targets the child's needs and admits him to the services required. The school then reviews the needs and determines the level of special needs required. And in some cases, the dismissal process means that the child has accomplished the stated goals and is dismissed from requiring special education services. An ARD meeting works to see what are the goals, is the school providing the necessary services for those goals, and is the child progressing in the pursuit of the goals.
An ARD meeting can involve many people around a table including lots of reports, lots of forms, and lots of discussion. Administrators, special education specialists, and school counselors always get a little nervous due to the state's mandate to attend to all children and their needs. If a parent demands a certain service and the child qualifies for that service, then the school must provide a way to meet that need regardless of the cost. While money is never discussed in an ARD meeting, there is always a cost to every educational service. A reality of which administrators are keenly aware.
Because autism is a broad spectrum disability, it is often accompanied by other challenges that are addressed in ARD meetings. While there should be an autism counselor or psychologist available, most likely there will also be several other people involved in the meeting. Each disability or area of weakness as defined by the norms of the system is then dealt with independently and requires a specialist. These may or may not include help in speech therapy, physical therapy, reading, behavior, occupational therapy, a principal, counselor, music teacher, physical education teacher, classroom teacher or teachers, an assessment team, anyone involved in hearing or visual impairments, and even sometimes the child! The meeting designs an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) and assesses how that plan is being met.
While it all seems daunting and can often make a parent swim in fear and confusion, it is solely designed to meet the child's needs. The rights of the child and the parent reign supreme and are constantly considered in all discussion. Everything is documented and parents have a right and often requirement to keep all copies of anything recorded on the child. The result of this procedure is often mountains of papers on the child. Because of this, parents will need to set aside a filing cabinet or several drawers of information on the child. While it seems massively unnecessary to keep everything, there is a by-product of benefit in referencing all documents.
The collective assessment of the child, including any and all doctor visits, becomes necessary for documentation in the case of guardianship hearings or state aid. If a parent has any remote idea the child may need medical benefits or residential help at any time in his life, the documentation of the disabilities is essential.
Regardless of the complexity of the meetings and the exhausting effort by teachers, professionals, paraprofessionals, and parents, in the end it is about the child. Tenacity and relentless pursuit of help for the child is always worth it in the end.
Admission, Review, and Dismissal, shortened to ARD, are the terms used in special education. The idea being that a school targets the child's needs and admits him to the services required. The school then reviews the needs and determines the level of special needs required. And in some cases, the dismissal process means that the child has accomplished the stated goals and is dismissed from requiring special education services. An ARD meeting works to see what are the goals, is the school providing the necessary services for those goals, and is the child progressing in the pursuit of the goals.
An ARD meeting can involve many people around a table including lots of reports, lots of forms, and lots of discussion. Administrators, special education specialists, and school counselors always get a little nervous due to the state's mandate to attend to all children and their needs. If a parent demands a certain service and the child qualifies for that service, then the school must provide a way to meet that need regardless of the cost. While money is never discussed in an ARD meeting, there is always a cost to every educational service. A reality of which administrators are keenly aware.
Because autism is a broad spectrum disability, it is often accompanied by other challenges that are addressed in ARD meetings. While there should be an autism counselor or psychologist available, most likely there will also be several other people involved in the meeting. Each disability or area of weakness as defined by the norms of the system is then dealt with independently and requires a specialist. These may or may not include help in speech therapy, physical therapy, reading, behavior, occupational therapy, a principal, counselor, music teacher, physical education teacher, classroom teacher or teachers, an assessment team, anyone involved in hearing or visual impairments, and even sometimes the child! The meeting designs an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) and assesses how that plan is being met.
While it all seems daunting and can often make a parent swim in fear and confusion, it is solely designed to meet the child's needs. The rights of the child and the parent reign supreme and are constantly considered in all discussion. Everything is documented and parents have a right and often requirement to keep all copies of anything recorded on the child. The result of this procedure is often mountains of papers on the child. Because of this, parents will need to set aside a filing cabinet or several drawers of information on the child. While it seems massively unnecessary to keep everything, there is a by-product of benefit in referencing all documents.
The collective assessment of the child, including any and all doctor visits, becomes necessary for documentation in the case of guardianship hearings or state aid. If a parent has any remote idea the child may need medical benefits or residential help at any time in his life, the documentation of the disabilities is essential.
Regardless of the complexity of the meetings and the exhausting effort by teachers, professionals, paraprofessionals, and parents, in the end it is about the child. Tenacity and relentless pursuit of help for the child is always worth it in the end.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Teacher Tips
The autistic child does not learn nor respond in any kind of typical, expected manner. Often teacher's feel slighted or not respected by an autistic child due to the lack of obedience or sometimes even acknowledgment of a teacher's authority. This makes for an untenable situation for both the child and the teacher. What follows are some tips to avoid just such situations and provide a learning atmosphere that allows autistic children to succeed.
Children with autism work better with greater success in controlled, quiet environments. While much research has been documented that active, creative, and even noisy classrooms often benefit the educational process, for an autistic child, the more ordered and calm the climate, the better. This means that a child with autism is better suited for certain personality teacher types. This is no reflection on the quality of a teacher, but simply a reminder to administrators and teachers that not all teachers are well-suited for children with autism.
Since autistic children think in pictures, it is necessary for instructions to be written down and even supported by pictures when possible. This includes details for mundane activities such as lunch or snack time or recess. Often pointing at an ordered schedule that includes a step by step approach can save in the frustration of verbal instructions that are not easily understood. Materials for school should be readily accessible and perhaps numbered for reference. I recall when Joel spent several days not eating the lunch we gave to him which included spaghetti in a little bowl. Finally after several questions and confusing moments at home, we realized he would not eat without a fork. In our minds, he could simply walk over to the forks at the cafeteria and get one, but in his mind he simply did not have one and therefore could not eat.
More patience is needed in dealing with autistic children. Remember that words heard (and an autistic child may actually not hear the words due to being caught up in something else) are visually imagined before they are interpreted as to their meaning. This means that it takes double the amount of time to understand what is being said. Patience may be the single most important concept a teacher needs to remember when dealing with autistic children.
Unfortunately in today's world of classroom instruction, we often create learning environments that are collective. While in some ways this is beneficial to autistic children, in that they need to learn how to respond in a group setting, mostly it is confusing and frightening. When possible a school needs to provide some kind of individual instruction either from professionals or paraprofessionals or in some instances peers. Peer guidance is vitally necessary in the classroom and can be a key ingredient for the autistic child provided it is the right kind of peer.
Tests, assignments, and projects require limited problems per page. When an autistic child encounters 10 or more questions, he gets overwhelmed and has trouble completing the first one. Fewer problems on a page, even though it causes more pages, results in a feeling of accomplishment and goals. Connected to this is the inevitable mistake. A spelling error on the paper or a cut-off letter from a poor copy can shut down the learning for the child who is unable to get past the problem. Teachers must make extra effort to present a clean copy free of mistakes to the autistic child.
Homework may be necessary at times and even educationally valuable to most children but to an autistic child and his parents, it is torture and suffering at home. Parents may or may not understand the expectation for the homework and without written instructions, the homework will likely not be done accurately. Furthermore the distractions and requirements of home are not generally conducive for careful attention to homework. A 10 minute project often takes 2 to 3 hours to complete.
Money and value of objects have little to no meaning to an autistic child. Teachers may work to point out how specific values of objects or spend time explaining how money works, but much of that remains a mystery to the child. For example, an autistic child may one minute write on a tissue and then later on a desk or in a book. To the child, it is all the same--a place to write or draw, but to a teacher, the child has defaced a valuable object.
One of the most difficult things facing a teacher and a parent is the idea of punishment. All children (and adults for that matter) require punishment occasionally in order to learn correct behavior. Many schools have a system of check marks or name on a board or some kind of warning system. After three of these, the child must put head down or do extra work or perhaps see the principal. Unfortunately for the autistic child, very little of this makes sense. Yelling, physical punishment, isolation do not generally have great meaning. When punishment is necessary, it is best to use it in some kind of positive way by temporarily denying that which is valued by the child. "Because you hit Johnny on the playground, you will not get to draw on your paper this afternoon." In this instance, a picture showing the improper behavior would likely get better results.
If teachers will keep in mind the need for written, simple instructions, an ordered and quiet environment, specific and limited goals, and great patience in all things, the autistic child can actually be a great help in a classroom. Correcting spelling or grammar mistakes, placing the books in order, organizing the materials, or getting the papers straight can all be exercises that are beneficial to the child as well as the classroom. Mostly teachers and administrators have to recognize the individual requirements of the child and work to meet those needs as much as possible.
Children with autism work better with greater success in controlled, quiet environments. While much research has been documented that active, creative, and even noisy classrooms often benefit the educational process, for an autistic child, the more ordered and calm the climate, the better. This means that a child with autism is better suited for certain personality teacher types. This is no reflection on the quality of a teacher, but simply a reminder to administrators and teachers that not all teachers are well-suited for children with autism.
Since autistic children think in pictures, it is necessary for instructions to be written down and even supported by pictures when possible. This includes details for mundane activities such as lunch or snack time or recess. Often pointing at an ordered schedule that includes a step by step approach can save in the frustration of verbal instructions that are not easily understood. Materials for school should be readily accessible and perhaps numbered for reference. I recall when Joel spent several days not eating the lunch we gave to him which included spaghetti in a little bowl. Finally after several questions and confusing moments at home, we realized he would not eat without a fork. In our minds, he could simply walk over to the forks at the cafeteria and get one, but in his mind he simply did not have one and therefore could not eat.
More patience is needed in dealing with autistic children. Remember that words heard (and an autistic child may actually not hear the words due to being caught up in something else) are visually imagined before they are interpreted as to their meaning. This means that it takes double the amount of time to understand what is being said. Patience may be the single most important concept a teacher needs to remember when dealing with autistic children.
Unfortunately in today's world of classroom instruction, we often create learning environments that are collective. While in some ways this is beneficial to autistic children, in that they need to learn how to respond in a group setting, mostly it is confusing and frightening. When possible a school needs to provide some kind of individual instruction either from professionals or paraprofessionals or in some instances peers. Peer guidance is vitally necessary in the classroom and can be a key ingredient for the autistic child provided it is the right kind of peer.
Tests, assignments, and projects require limited problems per page. When an autistic child encounters 10 or more questions, he gets overwhelmed and has trouble completing the first one. Fewer problems on a page, even though it causes more pages, results in a feeling of accomplishment and goals. Connected to this is the inevitable mistake. A spelling error on the paper or a cut-off letter from a poor copy can shut down the learning for the child who is unable to get past the problem. Teachers must make extra effort to present a clean copy free of mistakes to the autistic child.
Homework may be necessary at times and even educationally valuable to most children but to an autistic child and his parents, it is torture and suffering at home. Parents may or may not understand the expectation for the homework and without written instructions, the homework will likely not be done accurately. Furthermore the distractions and requirements of home are not generally conducive for careful attention to homework. A 10 minute project often takes 2 to 3 hours to complete.
Money and value of objects have little to no meaning to an autistic child. Teachers may work to point out how specific values of objects or spend time explaining how money works, but much of that remains a mystery to the child. For example, an autistic child may one minute write on a tissue and then later on a desk or in a book. To the child, it is all the same--a place to write or draw, but to a teacher, the child has defaced a valuable object.
One of the most difficult things facing a teacher and a parent is the idea of punishment. All children (and adults for that matter) require punishment occasionally in order to learn correct behavior. Many schools have a system of check marks or name on a board or some kind of warning system. After three of these, the child must put head down or do extra work or perhaps see the principal. Unfortunately for the autistic child, very little of this makes sense. Yelling, physical punishment, isolation do not generally have great meaning. When punishment is necessary, it is best to use it in some kind of positive way by temporarily denying that which is valued by the child. "Because you hit Johnny on the playground, you will not get to draw on your paper this afternoon." In this instance, a picture showing the improper behavior would likely get better results.
If teachers will keep in mind the need for written, simple instructions, an ordered and quiet environment, specific and limited goals, and great patience in all things, the autistic child can actually be a great help in a classroom. Correcting spelling or grammar mistakes, placing the books in order, organizing the materials, or getting the papers straight can all be exercises that are beneficial to the child as well as the classroom. Mostly teachers and administrators have to recognize the individual requirements of the child and work to meet those needs as much as possible.
Books and Writers
Being a bookworm almost since birth, and now a book collector, I enjoy writing about books and various writers. Although I lean toward modern fiction, I also enjoy biographies, history, and the occasional non-fiction book on management or leadership. Doubtful this essay will have any interest to anyone, I still feel a need to discuss some books I have lately enjoyed. My library gives me pleasure and I often find myself in my home office studying the books and thinking about the different writers. Now with over 100 Amazon book reviews, I am comfortable reviewing books of all types. It does intrigue me that following a review that is considered "not helpful" usually my reviews are no longer read! This says something about human nature, but that is a subject for another day.
Earlier blogs have discussed my tendency to get immersed in certain writers, reading everything written and learning their style at a furious pace. This trait has cooled some but is still prevalent as I continue to enjoy reading. I read approximately 3 books at one time and complete around two per week depending on the week and the kind of books being read. For example, I started Fall of Giants by Ken Follett but set it aside for some shorter books for now. I'll get back to it at some point although I must admit to being lukewarm about Follett's writing style. Informative and story-like but a little bit primitive and elementary at times. Also he seems to enjoy writing about events and suffering without delving into the emotions of those sad situations. When a writer does so, it is hard to connect to the people and by the end of the book, we feel like we have read about several cool things but don't really know anyone better. That said, I will read Fall of Giants and have read almost everything Follett as written.
Recently I began reading Robert B. Parker of Spenser fame. His detective stories are usually fairly commonplace--bad guy or guys kill someone and detective figures it out--but his scenes of therapy and rendering justice along the way are amazing. His strange "street" language is blended with a high vocabulary and remarkable human perception. It makes for bestselling writing on mental steroids. Easy to read, energetic stories, humorous at times, serious at others, but definitely entertaining and enlightening. Can't go wrong with a Robert Parker book. My favorite? Maybe Resolution or Double Play. Good stuff.
The books of Richard Marius have interested me lately. His biography of Martin Luther is truly masterful as are his essays. I decided to read his fiction and jumped into The Coming of Rain. Eventually I landed on An Affair of Honor and decided Marius is one the finest and most underrated writers of our time. He passed away from cancer a few years ago after a long and distinguished although somewhat controversial career at Harvard. I visited with his widow several years just a few weeks after his death. Richard Marius may not have written enough to secure his place among great writers but what he wrote and accomplished needs to be remembered. It was with great excitement that I found a beautiful copy of the biography of Thomas More. Marius's dedicated commitment to excellence is found in every word, every paragraph, and every book he produced. Favorite? An Affair of Honor is masterful but so is the biography of Martin Luther.
Fun reading is always available by Dean Koontz, Harlan Coben, and David Baldacci. None of these are especially profound although there is always something in their writings to allow for a moment or two of intellectual consideration. These are all fine writers and worth a read every time. Of course you can't go wrong with David Morrell or James Lee Burke both of which write thrillers with complex depth and wonderful writing style. Elmer Kelton provides some great Western writing and I have read nearly everything by Larry McMurtry. The masterful writings of Philip Roth and Cormac McCarthy are to be included in my list of favorite writers with The Road taking center stage as a gripping book for all time. Roth's Human Stain is an incredible book that should reside on every college professor's shelf.
Recently I have found myself engrossed in Reynolds Price. His style is a little bit uncomfortably personal at times and almost lacks in strong goals. Also he tends to create bold, shocking scenes to give himself a forum for psychological analysis. But he is certainly a fine writer whose books leave a reader changed and wondering about life. Noble Norfleet is a strong book (a little bit adult at times) and Tongues of Angels is very emotionally gripping.
And I continue to read through biographies of Theodore Roosevelt. Nearly done with "Preacher of Righteousness" by Joshua David Hawley, I continue to consider River of Doubt a masterpiece of description and accuracy. Owning nearly all the books written on Roosevelt, I remain admirable of the former President and irritated with him at the same time. Quite a figure for sure.
Books on management are certainly worth reading (just not a steady diet!) and I really like the writing of Patrick Lencioni. He writes a little more creatively than many management writers and has a nice goal-directed sense of how to be successful in leadership. I haven't read much in the way of Romance, Science Fiction, or money management lately, but I probably will. I have been sent four books to review and have enjoyed them. Funny how my endorsement seems valued by some people.
More reading and more gain. I love it and wish I could make a living reading books! Much better than movies, tv, or eating even!
Earlier blogs have discussed my tendency to get immersed in certain writers, reading everything written and learning their style at a furious pace. This trait has cooled some but is still prevalent as I continue to enjoy reading. I read approximately 3 books at one time and complete around two per week depending on the week and the kind of books being read. For example, I started Fall of Giants by Ken Follett but set it aside for some shorter books for now. I'll get back to it at some point although I must admit to being lukewarm about Follett's writing style. Informative and story-like but a little bit primitive and elementary at times. Also he seems to enjoy writing about events and suffering without delving into the emotions of those sad situations. When a writer does so, it is hard to connect to the people and by the end of the book, we feel like we have read about several cool things but don't really know anyone better. That said, I will read Fall of Giants and have read almost everything Follett as written.
Recently I began reading Robert B. Parker of Spenser fame. His detective stories are usually fairly commonplace--bad guy or guys kill someone and detective figures it out--but his scenes of therapy and rendering justice along the way are amazing. His strange "street" language is blended with a high vocabulary and remarkable human perception. It makes for bestselling writing on mental steroids. Easy to read, energetic stories, humorous at times, serious at others, but definitely entertaining and enlightening. Can't go wrong with a Robert Parker book. My favorite? Maybe Resolution or Double Play. Good stuff.
The books of Richard Marius have interested me lately. His biography of Martin Luther is truly masterful as are his essays. I decided to read his fiction and jumped into The Coming of Rain. Eventually I landed on An Affair of Honor and decided Marius is one the finest and most underrated writers of our time. He passed away from cancer a few years ago after a long and distinguished although somewhat controversial career at Harvard. I visited with his widow several years just a few weeks after his death. Richard Marius may not have written enough to secure his place among great writers but what he wrote and accomplished needs to be remembered. It was with great excitement that I found a beautiful copy of the biography of Thomas More. Marius's dedicated commitment to excellence is found in every word, every paragraph, and every book he produced. Favorite? An Affair of Honor is masterful but so is the biography of Martin Luther.
Fun reading is always available by Dean Koontz, Harlan Coben, and David Baldacci. None of these are especially profound although there is always something in their writings to allow for a moment or two of intellectual consideration. These are all fine writers and worth a read every time. Of course you can't go wrong with David Morrell or James Lee Burke both of which write thrillers with complex depth and wonderful writing style. Elmer Kelton provides some great Western writing and I have read nearly everything by Larry McMurtry. The masterful writings of Philip Roth and Cormac McCarthy are to be included in my list of favorite writers with The Road taking center stage as a gripping book for all time. Roth's Human Stain is an incredible book that should reside on every college professor's shelf.
Recently I have found myself engrossed in Reynolds Price. His style is a little bit uncomfortably personal at times and almost lacks in strong goals. Also he tends to create bold, shocking scenes to give himself a forum for psychological analysis. But he is certainly a fine writer whose books leave a reader changed and wondering about life. Noble Norfleet is a strong book (a little bit adult at times) and Tongues of Angels is very emotionally gripping.
And I continue to read through biographies of Theodore Roosevelt. Nearly done with "Preacher of Righteousness" by Joshua David Hawley, I continue to consider River of Doubt a masterpiece of description and accuracy. Owning nearly all the books written on Roosevelt, I remain admirable of the former President and irritated with him at the same time. Quite a figure for sure.
Books on management are certainly worth reading (just not a steady diet!) and I really like the writing of Patrick Lencioni. He writes a little more creatively than many management writers and has a nice goal-directed sense of how to be successful in leadership. I haven't read much in the way of Romance, Science Fiction, or money management lately, but I probably will. I have been sent four books to review and have enjoyed them. Funny how my endorsement seems valued by some people.
More reading and more gain. I love it and wish I could make a living reading books! Much better than movies, tv, or eating even!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Shopping with Joel
It's always an adventure of sorts when shopping with Joel. Needing some last minute gifts, we headed to Beall's for one or two specific items. I tend to keep a running dialog with Joel, most of which goes unanswered. But I like to talk with him and express my thoughts in the hopes that he will try to relate to my conversation, my feelings, my goals. We spent a few minutes in Bealls with Joel being very perplexed as to why the shirt we got for him for his birthday a few weeks ago was the same one in the package at Bealls. I explained they had several of the same color and type but reminded him we were not there for him but instead were shopping for other people.
Leaving Bealls we walked across the outdoor shopping center and stopped at Burke's Outlet. We walked to the men's section and this time Joel began looking at the ties. It was more difficult this time to get him away until I mentioned we could wait until after Christmas and see if the ties were on sale. He liked that idea and we left. So far, he was not interested in buying something for another person than himself!
Deciding to go to Walmart, we parked several miles (okay, it felt like it anyway) away, and went inside. I reminded Joel several times to stay close which was particularly important since he had forgotten his cell phone. I walked to the left to get some salmon for dinner and when I turned around Joel was gone. Looking for him and nearly panicking, I began to think logically about where he would go. Gummy Worms--his favorite treat! As I headed toward the aisle, here he came holding two packages of Gummy Worms.
I reminded him to stay close to me and we left Walmart (no easy task since Joel stopped and talked and hugged about 5 people on the way out) and headed to J.C. Penney at the mall. We walked into Penneys and Joel once again looked at the shirts and ties. Deciding to go next door to Hibbett Sports and hearing how thirsty he was, I asked him if he would like to go get a drink at Chikfila. He said sure and left while I waited in a line to check out.
Soon he returned holding a milk shake and a big smile on his face. The spoon was in it which was my first concern. He will not use a straw for any kind of ice cream drink. A spoon is always required. But as he stood there, I knew something else was wrong. Soon he said, "Dad, once again we have to deal with the cherry."
Until I removed the cherry, Joel would not drink the shake. He would stand there holding it and staring at the cherry and the drink would go untouched. So I took the cherry out and held it in my hand while checking out of the sports store. Joel said nothing more and waited for me on the bench outside of the store. I sat with him as he finished and we returned to the truck for the trip home.
All in a day of shopping with Joel. The adventure continues!
Leaving Bealls we walked across the outdoor shopping center and stopped at Burke's Outlet. We walked to the men's section and this time Joel began looking at the ties. It was more difficult this time to get him away until I mentioned we could wait until after Christmas and see if the ties were on sale. He liked that idea and we left. So far, he was not interested in buying something for another person than himself!
Deciding to go to Walmart, we parked several miles (okay, it felt like it anyway) away, and went inside. I reminded Joel several times to stay close which was particularly important since he had forgotten his cell phone. I walked to the left to get some salmon for dinner and when I turned around Joel was gone. Looking for him and nearly panicking, I began to think logically about where he would go. Gummy Worms--his favorite treat! As I headed toward the aisle, here he came holding two packages of Gummy Worms.
I reminded him to stay close to me and we left Walmart (no easy task since Joel stopped and talked and hugged about 5 people on the way out) and headed to J.C. Penney at the mall. We walked into Penneys and Joel once again looked at the shirts and ties. Deciding to go next door to Hibbett Sports and hearing how thirsty he was, I asked him if he would like to go get a drink at Chikfila. He said sure and left while I waited in a line to check out.
Soon he returned holding a milk shake and a big smile on his face. The spoon was in it which was my first concern. He will not use a straw for any kind of ice cream drink. A spoon is always required. But as he stood there, I knew something else was wrong. Soon he said, "Dad, once again we have to deal with the cherry."
Until I removed the cherry, Joel would not drink the shake. He would stand there holding it and staring at the cherry and the drink would go untouched. So I took the cherry out and held it in my hand while checking out of the sports store. Joel said nothing more and waited for me on the bench outside of the store. I sat with him as he finished and we returned to the truck for the trip home.
All in a day of shopping with Joel. The adventure continues!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thank you, but...
Following Joel's recital, a nice concert of Christmas music played on the organ, there were lots of smiles from people and congratulations were in order to Joel. As the parents, we were and are of course proud of our son, but we also know the 21 years of challenges getting to this point. It hits home when the inevitable well-intentioned person approaches us and says, "Joel is very lucky to have parents like you. You have obviously done a great job of raising him. He would not be where he is without you."
We receive these comments in kindness with the grace and diffidence expected of our position. But it is with mixed emotions that we respond with thank you. While in many ways it is true that Joel is fortunate to have two parents who both care about his growth, his education, his progress, and his condition, in other ways the comment reminds us of Joel's limits. We as parents tend to see his potential, believing in what he can be, and never letting go of the ideal. But what if we have been wrong? What if Joel really has very little potential?
Do other people see something that we do not see? Are we blinded by our love of our son to the point of not being able to act realistically in his best interests? Is Joel's success entirely dependent on our lifting him up? Does he walk on our feet, stand on our legs? Are we the escalator that emotionally and cognitively transports him from one place to another?
Maybe Joel's grandmothers played a significant role as well? Joel's teachers? Joel's friends? Obviously, assuming sole credit would be a selfish parental flaw since raising him was a community effort in many ways.
One of the primary purposes of parenting is to encourage your children to be independent, to make their own choices, to live their own lives, to become adults capable of navigating the turbulent waters of life. For an autistic, however, the capability is greatly limited. The rough waters require a lifeboat and an anchor, a solid protection base and a constant watchful eye for the autistic child or adults.
The thing is this: we grow from adversity and children find ways to be successful in the midst of their failures. When you skin your knee on the playground, you find ways to avoid doing so again while still enjoying the playground experience. For an autistic the skinned knee happened without a direct cause. He likely will not learn from the event and may not be able to correct it next time without some careful teaching. Once again we find the idea of teaching independence to an autistic to be very difficult.
We have spent years working with our son to help him be independent as much as possible, knowing that he will not be able to take care of himself in any kind of totally independent way (of course, this brings to mind what independence even means or if in any of us are entirely independent, but that is another subject for the libertarians of the world!). Are we to be thanked for our efforts? To be affirmed as good parents? To imagine we made a difference in Joel's life? Maybe so, but to me it just seems like our job as parents.
So thank you, but maybe we didn't do well enough. Not sure. We have done the best we could do. For the most part, I guess it has been pretty good.
We receive these comments in kindness with the grace and diffidence expected of our position. But it is with mixed emotions that we respond with thank you. While in many ways it is true that Joel is fortunate to have two parents who both care about his growth, his education, his progress, and his condition, in other ways the comment reminds us of Joel's limits. We as parents tend to see his potential, believing in what he can be, and never letting go of the ideal. But what if we have been wrong? What if Joel really has very little potential?
Do other people see something that we do not see? Are we blinded by our love of our son to the point of not being able to act realistically in his best interests? Is Joel's success entirely dependent on our lifting him up? Does he walk on our feet, stand on our legs? Are we the escalator that emotionally and cognitively transports him from one place to another?
Maybe Joel's grandmothers played a significant role as well? Joel's teachers? Joel's friends? Obviously, assuming sole credit would be a selfish parental flaw since raising him was a community effort in many ways.
One of the primary purposes of parenting is to encourage your children to be independent, to make their own choices, to live their own lives, to become adults capable of navigating the turbulent waters of life. For an autistic, however, the capability is greatly limited. The rough waters require a lifeboat and an anchor, a solid protection base and a constant watchful eye for the autistic child or adults.
The thing is this: we grow from adversity and children find ways to be successful in the midst of their failures. When you skin your knee on the playground, you find ways to avoid doing so again while still enjoying the playground experience. For an autistic the skinned knee happened without a direct cause. He likely will not learn from the event and may not be able to correct it next time without some careful teaching. Once again we find the idea of teaching independence to an autistic to be very difficult.
We have spent years working with our son to help him be independent as much as possible, knowing that he will not be able to take care of himself in any kind of totally independent way (of course, this brings to mind what independence even means or if in any of us are entirely independent, but that is another subject for the libertarians of the world!). Are we to be thanked for our efforts? To be affirmed as good parents? To imagine we made a difference in Joel's life? Maybe so, but to me it just seems like our job as parents.
So thank you, but maybe we didn't do well enough. Not sure. We have done the best we could do. For the most part, I guess it has been pretty good.
The Dress at the Tuckers
Christmas is a funny time and often includes misunderstandings and irony. How often have we received the same gift from two different people? Or given a gift with the price tag on it showing a big sale. Or given someone a gift only to receive the same thing? These things are awkward but make Christmas enjoyable as well.
After driving a considerable distance to have Christmas with my parents, my wife and I looked forward to opening presents. This was "before children" so we were still able to complete sentences back then! I recall the strange/funny time when my mother opened her present from my father and somehow holding her smile said something like, "Wow, this is great, even though I don't wear a size 12, and it is the same kind of dress I picked out for Sallie!" Sallie was the name for my grandmother, my mother's mother, and she was known to everyone simply as Sallie. So my first thought when my mother said these words was that my amazing dad sensed that my mother liked this particular kind of dress, but he didn't know my mom's correct size. His innate perception of people had led him to buy for my mother what she was buying for her own mother.
Then Mom asked Dad where he got the present. He answered at the local clothing store downtown. She said that was where she bought the dress for Sallie. They then looked at each other strangely and he said that he walked up to main counter asked if Jan Tucker had placed anything on layaway. The answer was yes and they produced this dress. Dad, thinking Mom had placed it on layaway for him to purchase for her, bought the dress, had it gift wrapped, and placed it under the tree.
After several confusing looks and awkward explanations, the mystery was cleared up and we had a good laugh. Unfortunately that meant Dad had nothing for Mom which I'm sure he rectified as soon as possible.
Ah, families and Christmas!
After driving a considerable distance to have Christmas with my parents, my wife and I looked forward to opening presents. This was "before children" so we were still able to complete sentences back then! I recall the strange/funny time when my mother opened her present from my father and somehow holding her smile said something like, "Wow, this is great, even though I don't wear a size 12, and it is the same kind of dress I picked out for Sallie!" Sallie was the name for my grandmother, my mother's mother, and she was known to everyone simply as Sallie. So my first thought when my mother said these words was that my amazing dad sensed that my mother liked this particular kind of dress, but he didn't know my mom's correct size. His innate perception of people had led him to buy for my mother what she was buying for her own mother.
Then Mom asked Dad where he got the present. He answered at the local clothing store downtown. She said that was where she bought the dress for Sallie. They then looked at each other strangely and he said that he walked up to main counter asked if Jan Tucker had placed anything on layaway. The answer was yes and they produced this dress. Dad, thinking Mom had placed it on layaway for him to purchase for her, bought the dress, had it gift wrapped, and placed it under the tree.
After several confusing looks and awkward explanations, the mystery was cleared up and we had a good laugh. Unfortunately that meant Dad had nothing for Mom which I'm sure he rectified as soon as possible.
Ah, families and Christmas!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Protection for Disabled Adults
Joel Tucker, autistic since birth, is now 21. His identification card, bent from use, needed updating due to its reflecting a person younger than 21. So we headed to the Department of Public Safety to get a new ID card. His card is carried around his neck with his house key. This helps him remember his home address and allows others to know him in case he is limited in his verbal expression on any given day. It is readily accessible, visible, and clearly delineates him as possibly needing help or protection. What better way to provide protection for our son than to ask the local law enforcement to update his ID card for him.
We have struggled for years to achieve a balance of letting people know of Joel's disabilities but at the same time needing to allow him to fit in with society. It makes for a healthy tension in our presentation of our son. There have been countless times that I wanted to shout in a megaphone, "My son Joel is autistic and requires more time, patience, and understanding than most people." But how proper is it to label a human as different when there is also great gain in blending in with others? So we walk on the parental tightrope of helping him while encouraging a degree of independence. The ID around his neck is simply a tool to help him and others in case of a situation.
Walking into the Department of Public Safety office, Joel and I approached the desk where I explained that he needed to update his ID card since he was now 21. The lady at the desk shoved a form at us and said to answer questions 1-11. I mentioned he did not have nor need a drivers license. She said we had to fill it out anyway. Joel and I then walked over to the wall, stood at a counter and began answering the questions on the form. No question was difficult but they did require a moment of pause in answering. A funny moment occurred when the fourth question asked if Joel wanted to be an organ donor. He laughed at the question and said no, he wanted to keep all organs. I realized he was thinking about pipe organs not internal human organs. I explained to him about what it actually meant and he decided yes he would donate his organs.
The third question asked if he had any condition in communication that police officers would need to know. Joel said yes and wrote he was verbally disabled, which is true. When we were nearly completed with the form another rather brash lady approached Joel and proceeded to tell him that his current ID was invalid because it had a hole in it. We had punched a hole in his ID card to attach a lanyard to it and hang it around his neck. She was quite critical of this and told Joel he was not to do that again. Joel had no clue about her criticism and simply nodded at her. I interrupted the harsh lady and asked her if she had a better method for Joel to use. We had a brief discussion about using a little window system and placing the ID inside it. Easy enough solution.
We finished the form and returned to the first lady who looked at Joel and said in a loud, rude voice, "Can you talk?" Joel nodded and I began to seethe at her brusqueness. She then said louder, "Can you understand what I am saying to you." As her voice got louder my blood pressure rose several points. Joel looked at her quizzically and said yes he understood her. She said that by answering yes to number three, we would need to fill out several more forms and get a doctor's statement. She said it would be easier to say "NO" that he did not have a condition that prevented communication. I sighed and pointed out that his disability was well-documented at the Social Security office as well as the County courthouse. I then naively asked why the state law enforcement did not have access to the Social Security files or the county information. She told me "we do not operate that way." I shrugged and said okay.
We then filled out the form again with number three as a "NO." After pointing out that Joel was not allowed to be an organ donor since he did not have a drivers license, she took the picture for the card. Finding out the new ID card would arrive in approximately six weeks, we left. As we were leaving, the 2nd harsh lady sort of apologized for her rudeness and said in the military they were not allowed to punch holes in anything. Since that made zero sense to me and I'm sure Joel was completely in the dark on what the military had to do with anything, I simply nodded and said thanks and left.
It was not a good experience and had Joel been by himself, it would have been a disaster. Our world is a difficult one for autistics. Forms, lines, terms, money, people, travel, and social behavior all make for a difficult existence for a disabled adult. Many of the things that are required are a mystery and without patience, kindness, and great tolerance a disabled adult cannot function adequately. I would hope and encourage our "service" departments take on a helpful approach to people and recognize that not everyone is the same. Rude behavior to a young man who cannot fully comprehend the subtleties is unacceptable, in fact rude behavior is unacceptable to anyone. Our son requires protection from the difficult challenges of the world. How sad it is when the challenge comes from the office workers of our law enforcement.
We have struggled for years to achieve a balance of letting people know of Joel's disabilities but at the same time needing to allow him to fit in with society. It makes for a healthy tension in our presentation of our son. There have been countless times that I wanted to shout in a megaphone, "My son Joel is autistic and requires more time, patience, and understanding than most people." But how proper is it to label a human as different when there is also great gain in blending in with others? So we walk on the parental tightrope of helping him while encouraging a degree of independence. The ID around his neck is simply a tool to help him and others in case of a situation.
Walking into the Department of Public Safety office, Joel and I approached the desk where I explained that he needed to update his ID card since he was now 21. The lady at the desk shoved a form at us and said to answer questions 1-11. I mentioned he did not have nor need a drivers license. She said we had to fill it out anyway. Joel and I then walked over to the wall, stood at a counter and began answering the questions on the form. No question was difficult but they did require a moment of pause in answering. A funny moment occurred when the fourth question asked if Joel wanted to be an organ donor. He laughed at the question and said no, he wanted to keep all organs. I realized he was thinking about pipe organs not internal human organs. I explained to him about what it actually meant and he decided yes he would donate his organs.
The third question asked if he had any condition in communication that police officers would need to know. Joel said yes and wrote he was verbally disabled, which is true. When we were nearly completed with the form another rather brash lady approached Joel and proceeded to tell him that his current ID was invalid because it had a hole in it. We had punched a hole in his ID card to attach a lanyard to it and hang it around his neck. She was quite critical of this and told Joel he was not to do that again. Joel had no clue about her criticism and simply nodded at her. I interrupted the harsh lady and asked her if she had a better method for Joel to use. We had a brief discussion about using a little window system and placing the ID inside it. Easy enough solution.
We finished the form and returned to the first lady who looked at Joel and said in a loud, rude voice, "Can you talk?" Joel nodded and I began to seethe at her brusqueness. She then said louder, "Can you understand what I am saying to you." As her voice got louder my blood pressure rose several points. Joel looked at her quizzically and said yes he understood her. She said that by answering yes to number three, we would need to fill out several more forms and get a doctor's statement. She said it would be easier to say "NO" that he did not have a condition that prevented communication. I sighed and pointed out that his disability was well-documented at the Social Security office as well as the County courthouse. I then naively asked why the state law enforcement did not have access to the Social Security files or the county information. She told me "we do not operate that way." I shrugged and said okay.
We then filled out the form again with number three as a "NO." After pointing out that Joel was not allowed to be an organ donor since he did not have a drivers license, she took the picture for the card. Finding out the new ID card would arrive in approximately six weeks, we left. As we were leaving, the 2nd harsh lady sort of apologized for her rudeness and said in the military they were not allowed to punch holes in anything. Since that made zero sense to me and I'm sure Joel was completely in the dark on what the military had to do with anything, I simply nodded and said thanks and left.
It was not a good experience and had Joel been by himself, it would have been a disaster. Our world is a difficult one for autistics. Forms, lines, terms, money, people, travel, and social behavior all make for a difficult existence for a disabled adult. Many of the things that are required are a mystery and without patience, kindness, and great tolerance a disabled adult cannot function adequately. I would hope and encourage our "service" departments take on a helpful approach to people and recognize that not everyone is the same. Rude behavior to a young man who cannot fully comprehend the subtleties is unacceptable, in fact rude behavior is unacceptable to anyone. Our son requires protection from the difficult challenges of the world. How sad it is when the challenge comes from the office workers of our law enforcement.
Attack Dog
I got closer to the house and saw the German Shepherd in the road. He had always been tied up in the past. I enjoy running and often run by the red brick home, a nice home near the highway with a tree house in the front yard tree and a couple of children's bicycles nearby. The family owns three dogs--small, medium, and large--and usually two of the three dogs are loose. Now understand that my knowledge and even love of dogs is somewhat limited. I recognize some types of dogs and have owned several in my life, but overall I don't harbor any great love for animals in general. I'm glad we have dogs in the world and many of them have a pleasant pet-like disposition. I can also certainly see the benefit of a dog in the backyard to warn of predators or potential thieves.
The idea of a dog being man's best friend does not appeal to me and while I respect someone's desire to own one, at this point in my life I prefer not to do so. I will pet them or play with them when I see them and occasionally find myself in one of those strange one sided dog-like conversations. You know the type: "Hey boy, how are you doing today? Having a good day? Did you get some good food? Are they treating you okay? Do you like this weather?" Things like that. Somehow we get it in our minds the dog understands what we are saying.
Of course, like anyone I am a little weak when a friendly dog wags his tail and wants to play or sit in my lap or something nice. These behaviors are acceptable and make me happy for the dog's existence. But overall, in my way of thinking--they are just dogs. No more and no less.
So when I saw the German Shepherd, I should have turned and gone the other way. But no. I have a stubborn side that does not want to run away from trouble. I prefer to meet it head on. Continuing toward the house, I decided to increase my speed. Meeting trouble face to face is okay, but also racing by might be acceptable!
Suddenly, as I got in front of the house, the three dogs tore out after me. I yelled at them in my broken winded voice and two of them stopped. The Shepherd, however, continued. Glancing at his bared teeth and hearing his snarl, I realized he was intent on tearing a chunk out of my leg. Stopping immediately, knowing I could never outrun him, I looked at him and using my brilliant verbosity said to him, "Okay, calm down, everything is going to be fine." He was quite larger, getting larger by the second, and I had nothing with which to stop him. His mouth came within a few inches of my thigh when I clapped loudly and yelled. This stopped him momentarily and I decided to step slowly out of the range of the house. I returned the way I came, shaking and wondering how close to serious damage I was.
What should I do now? Tell the owners to keep their dog tied? Call the police? Call a lawyer? Or wisely avoid running by the house? It is my right to run freely on the road in front of the house. It is the owner's right to have a dog. But the owner is liable for damage to a pedestrian outside of his property. Perhaps I should run by the house again and hope for a dogbite leading to a lawsuit! That is the American way I suspect.
In the end, unless my stubborn side reigns over my wisdom side, I will likely avoid running by the house in the future. But it sure is irritating.
The idea of a dog being man's best friend does not appeal to me and while I respect someone's desire to own one, at this point in my life I prefer not to do so. I will pet them or play with them when I see them and occasionally find myself in one of those strange one sided dog-like conversations. You know the type: "Hey boy, how are you doing today? Having a good day? Did you get some good food? Are they treating you okay? Do you like this weather?" Things like that. Somehow we get it in our minds the dog understands what we are saying.
Of course, like anyone I am a little weak when a friendly dog wags his tail and wants to play or sit in my lap or something nice. These behaviors are acceptable and make me happy for the dog's existence. But overall, in my way of thinking--they are just dogs. No more and no less.
So when I saw the German Shepherd, I should have turned and gone the other way. But no. I have a stubborn side that does not want to run away from trouble. I prefer to meet it head on. Continuing toward the house, I decided to increase my speed. Meeting trouble face to face is okay, but also racing by might be acceptable!
Suddenly, as I got in front of the house, the three dogs tore out after me. I yelled at them in my broken winded voice and two of them stopped. The Shepherd, however, continued. Glancing at his bared teeth and hearing his snarl, I realized he was intent on tearing a chunk out of my leg. Stopping immediately, knowing I could never outrun him, I looked at him and using my brilliant verbosity said to him, "Okay, calm down, everything is going to be fine." He was quite larger, getting larger by the second, and I had nothing with which to stop him. His mouth came within a few inches of my thigh when I clapped loudly and yelled. This stopped him momentarily and I decided to step slowly out of the range of the house. I returned the way I came, shaking and wondering how close to serious damage I was.
What should I do now? Tell the owners to keep their dog tied? Call the police? Call a lawyer? Or wisely avoid running by the house? It is my right to run freely on the road in front of the house. It is the owner's right to have a dog. But the owner is liable for damage to a pedestrian outside of his property. Perhaps I should run by the house again and hope for a dogbite leading to a lawsuit! That is the American way I suspect.
In the end, unless my stubborn side reigns over my wisdom side, I will likely avoid running by the house in the future. But it sure is irritating.
Monday, December 20, 2010
My Visual Rights--That Darn Gorilla
Living in the country, approximately 6 miles from civilization, shopping, restaurants, schools, and traffic lights, I drive past a car dealership several times a day. It is with great interest that I see various and sundry ways to attract customers. I have written about the use of the American Flag, ubiquitously placed on every vehicle, forcing the inevitable patriotic moment in anyone passing by. Maybe there is a veiled guilt-inflicting manipulation of emotions, "if you are patriotic, you will purchase a vehicle from us."
Sadly, I think many businesses in our area are struggling, needing customers, needing to move their stock, needing some kind of purchase to help pay the bills. I do not begrudge at all the right for businesses to develop marketing systems as they advertise their product. In fact, marketing has become so complex the last few years, it is difficult to know the best way to spread the word of what is offered. Newspapers, websites, emails, brochures, large signs, fliers, are all used in abundance. It is often heart-wrenching to see a small business try to compete with the Walmarts of the world, and I certainly support the Mom and Pop store struggling to make ends meet.
All this to say, I am just not sure about the gorilla on top of the car dealership. It is a massively obnoxious air-filled gorilla replete with teeth, arms, legs, and a substantial torso--ideal for chest pounding I suppose. Some kind of Abominable King Kong monster beast. The gorilla is gray except for the yellow and red "clothing" that gives him a slight sense of humanness or "everyman" look. Perhaps though, it is the white teeth that are the most prominent feature. The gorilla is several stories high and lords over the entire region while standing on the top of the dealership. It is a bold balloon that is tied up to prevent it from being a blimp high in the sky.
But why a gorilla? Does it make the figurative statement that there is a jungle in the world and if you buy our vehicles you will be safe? Or perhaps it is more that the gorilla will pounce on you and pulverize you if you do not buy one of our vehicles. Or maybe that the gorilla is a person too and owns one of the vehicles, therefore you should as well.
Of course I do not have to look at it, although that would be tough. I could keep my eyes on the road (probably a good idea) and avoid glancing at the monstrosity. But, wow, it sure is big. Has its presence encouraged me to stop and look at the vehicles? No. Maybe it works for other people. Not sure. For me though, in some ways, I feel manipulated and shackled by the gorilla. I have the visual right to see what I want to see and right now I do not want to look at the darn gorilla. But I have to by virtue of its size. So I kind of think my rights are violated in this instance. Furthermore I think it is a waste of time and energy. Of course this brings to mind my actual rights which are pretty minimum at best and certainly not worth any effort of thought. Nevertheless it is fun to think I could go to court and demand restitution for the emotional strain of the violation of my visual rights!
But if I did pursue this absurd litigious action, would the gorilla then come alive and devour me in the courtroom? Probably so. His power could be greater than my own banal attempt to get money for the visual violation. He is a big one, but I don't have to look at him and I don't even have to respond in any way. His purpose, his very reason for existence is to bring in more customers. Likely he is simply another advertising gimic and not worth too much analysis. Simply an attention grabber.
To add to the funny advertising gimic, the same dealership also has a hot air balloon nearby and Texas flags on every car and truck on the lot. So maybe, just maybe, the gorilla ploy is not working very well. Whatever, it is certainly becoming an icon in our area. Time to return to the jungle I say.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Booking with Jay--Archer City
Today marked the end of an era for me I suspect, at least for now. My friend Jay and I went to Archer City for book shopping day. We have done this for about 4 years approximately 3 or 4 times a year. Sometimes less sometimes more but also fairly consistently. It is less than a 2 1/2 hour drive there and we both feel our heart rate quickening when we get close to the town. Anticipating the smell of books, the feel of a good book in my hands, and the overwhelming quantity of great books, we park and head into Booked Up #1. Always a great experience!
The small town, hometown of master author Larry McMurtry, near Wichita Falls is the home of one of the largest used book stores in the country. It is called Booked Up and is actually a series of 4 separate stores on the town square. Containing over 500,000 books on every subject, a visit to Booked Up is a day of pure joy for me. As quickly as possible, which is not always very fast, I peruse thousands of books, looking for fiction, history, music, poetry, and occasionally specialized genres. As a part-time (and might I add dismal failure) book collector and seller, I am always looking for a quality book I can read and then later sell. It makes for a shimmering, energetic day of learning, of reading, and of discovery.
So once again we jumped in the truck and headed to Archer City for booking. But today was different somehow for Jay is moving out of the state. He took a position at a church in Montana and will be starting there in January. Yes, he will return to teach a class at Howard Payne through the Spring semester but his time will be limited. His family plans to join him in March. My booking friend is moving.
I realize change is inevitable and that there are others who love books as much as I do, but Jay's booking intensity level matches my own and we somehow feed off of each others book love. It makes for a great day at Archer City. I can still have great book days and am sure there will be plenty more. But probably not with Jay. Book shopping in Archer City with Jay Smith is over. The end of an era. Am I sad? No question about it.
The small town, hometown of master author Larry McMurtry, near Wichita Falls is the home of one of the largest used book stores in the country. It is called Booked Up and is actually a series of 4 separate stores on the town square. Containing over 500,000 books on every subject, a visit to Booked Up is a day of pure joy for me. As quickly as possible, which is not always very fast, I peruse thousands of books, looking for fiction, history, music, poetry, and occasionally specialized genres. As a part-time (and might I add dismal failure) book collector and seller, I am always looking for a quality book I can read and then later sell. It makes for a shimmering, energetic day of learning, of reading, and of discovery.
So once again we jumped in the truck and headed to Archer City for booking. But today was different somehow for Jay is moving out of the state. He took a position at a church in Montana and will be starting there in January. Yes, he will return to teach a class at Howard Payne through the Spring semester but his time will be limited. His family plans to join him in March. My booking friend is moving.
I realize change is inevitable and that there are others who love books as much as I do, but Jay's booking intensity level matches my own and we somehow feed off of each others book love. It makes for a great day at Archer City. I can still have great book days and am sure there will be plenty more. But probably not with Jay. Book shopping in Archer City with Jay Smith is over. The end of an era. Am I sad? No question about it.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Exercise, Running--A Euphoric Drug
As mentioned in earlier posts, I have addictive behavior tendencies as exemplified by my interests and desire to learn everything about certain things. Knowing this, I remain wisely guarded against those behaviors that are harmful in any sense, instead emphasizing those things that help me learn, that help me in some way or at least interest me in terms of my career.
My colleague Lance recently ran a marathon and my friend Mike continues to extol the virtues of exercise and staying in shape. Another friend Corey remains committed to keeping his weight in control by dieting and exercise. These influences have helped keep me accountable in spite of my personal hatred of exercising. Yet each morning I wake up at 5 a.m., do 300 jumping jacks, 100 situps, and 50 pushups followed by a cup of coffee! Lately, however, I have added running to my smorgasbord of exercise.
Coming home before dark, changing into running clothes, I head out for a mile or two of running. It is tough at first and I wonder if I can make it. But after several steps, I fall into a rhythm of sorts and keep my goals in mind. Music moves through my head, matching my feet and aiding in the motor rhythm of my run. Wanting to quit pervades my thoughts, but I run on anyway, relentlessly committed to the end. What pain inflicts my legs, my lungs, even my head as the pressure builds, and I begin to doubt the wisdom of this run.
Finally after several years that really were just a few minutes, I am done. Miserable at first, I settle down and discover a level of joy not experienced earlier. The endorphins set in and the world becomes a better place. Body hurts a little, but the mind feels more alive and vigorous. A strong sense of euphoria and natural high mixed with confidence becomes prevalent and suddenly I feel great.
Okay, I still hate it, but I also love it. But it is probably wise to avoid "over-doing" it at the age of 50. Exercise is good, fun, powerful, and amazingly beneficial, yet moderation and balance is the key.
My colleague Lance recently ran a marathon and my friend Mike continues to extol the virtues of exercise and staying in shape. Another friend Corey remains committed to keeping his weight in control by dieting and exercise. These influences have helped keep me accountable in spite of my personal hatred of exercising. Yet each morning I wake up at 5 a.m., do 300 jumping jacks, 100 situps, and 50 pushups followed by a cup of coffee! Lately, however, I have added running to my smorgasbord of exercise.
Coming home before dark, changing into running clothes, I head out for a mile or two of running. It is tough at first and I wonder if I can make it. But after several steps, I fall into a rhythm of sorts and keep my goals in mind. Music moves through my head, matching my feet and aiding in the motor rhythm of my run. Wanting to quit pervades my thoughts, but I run on anyway, relentlessly committed to the end. What pain inflicts my legs, my lungs, even my head as the pressure builds, and I begin to doubt the wisdom of this run.
Finally after several years that really were just a few minutes, I am done. Miserable at first, I settle down and discover a level of joy not experienced earlier. The endorphins set in and the world becomes a better place. Body hurts a little, but the mind feels more alive and vigorous. A strong sense of euphoria and natural high mixed with confidence becomes prevalent and suddenly I feel great.
Okay, I still hate it, but I also love it. But it is probably wise to avoid "over-doing" it at the age of 50. Exercise is good, fun, powerful, and amazingly beneficial, yet moderation and balance is the key.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Entitlement--real or imagined?
Driving to work this morning, I began to reflect on those things to which I am entitled. According to the Declaration of Independence, I am entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. These broad but specific tenants encompass many activities and take many pathways. We are entitled to pursue happiness but not at the price of someone else's unhappiness. My liberty is only liberty if it is not the other person's straitjacket. Therefore, my entitlements are limited by my connectivity to other people's entitlements. To be selfish about what I perceive as my entitlements is to ignore the greater good not to mention the blessings that accompany me.
Unable to consider my education, my background, my skills, my family and friends, my successes as entitlements, I instead prefer to think of these things as being blessings, undeserving benefits and dividends. Driving to work each day in my truck, pulling up to a beautiful building, going into a stunning office with nice furnishings, books, computers, a piano, and lots of music, I marvel at the blessings surrounding me. Having the privilege to teach at an institution of higher learning, surrounded by brilliant colleagues, congenial students, supportive staff, and conduct worthy of a Christian university, I am continually humbled by my environment, by the opportunity to love my work and to do what I love. How many of us actually can boast of getting paid doing what we love?
Now it is nice to imagine a world of entitlements, a world where I actually deserve my blessings by virtue of my goodness, my behavior, my education, my gifts. I kind of like thinking that I am entitled to a great job, a beautiful family, a nice truck, a great church, a nice place to live, a free country, and I could list my "entitlements" to infinity. It is fun to actualize my dream world of perfection where my looks, my humanity, my existence gives me all these great things. I like to fantasize that the world falls at my feet begging to give me more and meet all my happiness needs. Ah, how fun!
But in truth, I don't believe we are entitled to much of anything other than the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. So I encourage us this Christmas to appreciate the gifts, to recognize the blessings, and to approach life with sincere humility. Perhaps then we can put aside our inherent selfishness and begin to regard the blessings as undeserved but appreciated. Recognition of such leads to fulfillment and an attitude of giving to others.
Unable to consider my education, my background, my skills, my family and friends, my successes as entitlements, I instead prefer to think of these things as being blessings, undeserving benefits and dividends. Driving to work each day in my truck, pulling up to a beautiful building, going into a stunning office with nice furnishings, books, computers, a piano, and lots of music, I marvel at the blessings surrounding me. Having the privilege to teach at an institution of higher learning, surrounded by brilliant colleagues, congenial students, supportive staff, and conduct worthy of a Christian university, I am continually humbled by my environment, by the opportunity to love my work and to do what I love. How many of us actually can boast of getting paid doing what we love?
Now it is nice to imagine a world of entitlements, a world where I actually deserve my blessings by virtue of my goodness, my behavior, my education, my gifts. I kind of like thinking that I am entitled to a great job, a beautiful family, a nice truck, a great church, a nice place to live, a free country, and I could list my "entitlements" to infinity. It is fun to actualize my dream world of perfection where my looks, my humanity, my existence gives me all these great things. I like to fantasize that the world falls at my feet begging to give me more and meet all my happiness needs. Ah, how fun!
But in truth, I don't believe we are entitled to much of anything other than the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. So I encourage us this Christmas to appreciate the gifts, to recognize the blessings, and to approach life with sincere humility. Perhaps then we can put aside our inherent selfishness and begin to regard the blessings as undeserved but appreciated. Recognition of such leads to fulfillment and an attitude of giving to others.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Am I Doing a Good Job?
Much to my surprise, our administrative assistant (secretary), asked me if she were doing a good job. As I responded to her with effusive affirmation, she pressed me for how she could improve. We ended up with some positive ways to do better. In our discussion, it occurred to me to ask her the same question of myself. Soon I spent the day examining my own job performance and assessing the daily productivity and success or lack thereof. It made for an excellent day of honesty with goals detailed for improvement.
But how often do we ask ourselves this question? Are you able to ask your supervisor or perhaps even peer the same question? Can you open yourself up to this kind of criticism? Is your confidence so fragile that even slight vulnerability is potentially malignant to your entire being? If so, perhaps it is time to rethink your own level of achievement and self-esteem.
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Too often we are so afraid of criticism that we mentally lock ourselves into a room where nothing will hurt us. There is safety in silence and no barbs exist in a vacuum of solitude. I prefer living in a world without problems, and I would like for everything to be positive. Yet there is no doubt that as I look back, while I prefer the path of least resistance, I grow more from the obstacles in front of me.
Most criticism leveled is overstated and has a personal spirit that cannot be considered collective. This is necessary as we wade through waters of truth and emotional responses to events. This stated, at the same time, most criticism contains a grain of truth that warrants some kind of reaction. Rather than dismissing the invective as worthless tripe from an ignorant individual, we should consider how to fix the perceived problem. Not to overreact to it, but perhaps to grow from it in some way.
This then comes back to those necessary ingredients for success--humility and self-esteem. Humility gives us a sense of needing to improve, knowing we have much to do and a long way to travel. Self-esteem reminds us that we are worthy people in spite of our many failings and mistakes. Both of these qualities working congruently propel us to the next step of productivity and achievement.
Am I doing a good job? Perhaps in many ways yes, but there certainly is still a long road ahead full of bumps and challenges. The journey toward excellence continues and while I relish the ease, I also know to be ready and open to the tough spots.
But how often do we ask ourselves this question? Are you able to ask your supervisor or perhaps even peer the same question? Can you open yourself up to this kind of criticism? Is your confidence so fragile that even slight vulnerability is potentially malignant to your entire being? If so, perhaps it is time to rethink your own level of achievement and self-esteem.
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Too often we are so afraid of criticism that we mentally lock ourselves into a room where nothing will hurt us. There is safety in silence and no barbs exist in a vacuum of solitude. I prefer living in a world without problems, and I would like for everything to be positive. Yet there is no doubt that as I look back, while I prefer the path of least resistance, I grow more from the obstacles in front of me.
Most criticism leveled is overstated and has a personal spirit that cannot be considered collective. This is necessary as we wade through waters of truth and emotional responses to events. This stated, at the same time, most criticism contains a grain of truth that warrants some kind of reaction. Rather than dismissing the invective as worthless tripe from an ignorant individual, we should consider how to fix the perceived problem. Not to overreact to it, but perhaps to grow from it in some way.
This then comes back to those necessary ingredients for success--humility and self-esteem. Humility gives us a sense of needing to improve, knowing we have much to do and a long way to travel. Self-esteem reminds us that we are worthy people in spite of our many failings and mistakes. Both of these qualities working congruently propel us to the next step of productivity and achievement.
Am I doing a good job? Perhaps in many ways yes, but there certainly is still a long road ahead full of bumps and challenges. The journey toward excellence continues and while I relish the ease, I also know to be ready and open to the tough spots.
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