As a typical boy into fishing, baseball, getting dirty, playing cowboys and indians, and being outdoors, I enjoyed my experience in Y Indian Guides, an organization of fathers and sons dedicated to learning more about the Indians. We would gather at someone's house, adorn ourselves in Indian garb (at least our perception of what Indians wore), and talk about being an Indian, including making fires, arrowheads, teepees, and dancing. Lots of whoops and pretend horse riding took place and most nights ended with my Dad playing guitar and singing folk songs not always about Indians but still fun stuff.
Outside of El Paso stands an extended rock formation called Hueco Tanks. Ideal for camping, climbing, picnics, geographical study, and exploring, it was decided that a weekend at Hueco Tanks would be both fun and educational for the Y-Indian Guides. I recall the excitement as we loaded up cots, sleeping bags, food, and of course our Indian stuff for the trip. Arriving and setting up camp, we did some exploring and had several boy adventures. Following a good meal of beans and sausage, we sat around the campfire enjoying marshmallows and folk songs with my Dad leading the way in She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain and Home on the Range. We then laid down in our sleeping bags located on the cots and went to sleep while the Dads stayed up awhile discussing the amazing facts of Indians and the outdoor world (or at least that was what I thought).
Approximately 2 in the morning, I awakened abruptly. Opening my eyes I found myself staring at a humongous monster with massive eyes and fur. Frightening for sure but only for an instant. Almost immediately I heard the crack of a whip and a loud voice yelling "get out of here." Not totally sure what happened but relieved just the same, my dad ran over to me holding me tight and asking if I were okay. Soon the camp was alive as dads and sons wanted to know what happened. My father proceeded to explain that he heard a noise, glanced over and saw a Ring-tailed Cat sitting on my sleeping bag staring at me. This nocturnal animal is common in rocky areas and its curiosity brought it to our camp. Grabbing his whip and cracking it in the air near the animal, my father was prepared to do further damage. Likely the animal being frightened from the whip and the madman, quickly departed and we did not see it again.
The adults had a brief discussion and the kids were told to go back to sleep which we did. The next morning there was some talk of the exciting event but eventually we settled into the same rock climbing adventures, going home later that afternoon. Dad later told me that following the incident, he and the other dads took turns keeping vigilance over us throughout the rest of the night. Not really understanding the situation and probably thinking more about baseball practice anyway, I forgot about the event.
Forty something years later and now thinking back I am wondering several things. How did my dad know there was a problem? He was asleep but awakened for some reason. Did he hesitate at all? Was he frightened? Did he grab the whip, crack it and yell all in one motion?
I have to believe that fathers generally have a sense of protection for their family. They are always looking out for their children and want to make them safe. At the same time, they encourage independence and an adventurous spirit but always within the boundaries of wisdom and security. In a sleep state but somehow alert at the same time, my dad sensed a situation and without hesitation he grabbed the whip, wielded it, and ended the problem. I believe that had that cat reached out to me, Dad would have attacked it physically without regard for his own safety. Although none of this registered with me at the time, I now know his love for me and his family trumped all self-preservation to him.
Throughout my growing up and now that I am a father myself, and watching my children move into adulthood, I recognize the kind of love that spurs us onto action and protection. In many ways it is the same kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us. Now that my dad is gone, I miss him. But in truth, and in many ways, he is me. As a college administrator I realize that the lessons I learned from my father can be applied not just to my own family but to my profession as well. Love and Leadership is about providing a safe, secure, and creative environment that allows people to reach their potential. That is the kind of person I want to be. Thanks to my Dad for being the model for love and excellence. Sure do miss him!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Cause and Effect
Heading out on a Saturday morning to drop Joel off at his grandmother's house for the morning, I noticed that on this slightly brisk day guaranteed to warm up into the 80s in afternoon, Joel was donned in a toboggan, scarf, heavy coat, and gloves. I gently but also directly told him that his clothes were too warm for the projected temperature of the day. As is typical for him, he disagreed and insisted on wearing the clothes.
Choosing not to argue at that moment, we climbed in the truck for the 20 minute drive. I noticed the temperature in the truck read 64 degrees and climbing. Mentioning this to Joel, I also said it was likely going to be in the 80s by mid-morning with the sun shining brightly. He said no I was wrong that it was going to snow.
Perplexed by this pronouncement, I asked him why he believed it would snow. His response was that he was dressed for snow, therefore it would snow. I stayed quiet for a few minutes to reflect on this statement. Joel has never completely understood cause and effect. In some ways it has created some curiosity, but in other ways he simply rejects that idea. He knows that what he does can cause an effect of some kind or another, but he has a difficult time discerning or predicting what the effect will be. He cannot determine people's reactions and he cannot determine his own place in creating certain responses in other people. It is all a mystery to him.
This is partly why he wears ties, suits to football games and partly why it seems okay for him to wander around or sit when others are standing or hug when others are shaking hands or insist on playing the organ too loud or the myriad of behaviors Joel tends to do. He does not see anything wrong and cannot assess how people will react to him. Not only that, but their reactions have little meaning to him. He resides in his own tinted existence not worrying about how others see him. Consequently he does not pass judgment on other behaviors other than those events learned specifically out of experience or repetition of order. Cause and effect is peripheral at best in his world, a world without imagination and world requiring routine and order.
Deep down I suspect he knew that he could not cause it to snow simply by wearing warm clothes. He knows that neither nor anyone else governs the snow or lack thereof. Yet because he gives no thought to the reactions of other people, and because he often confuses the cause and effect of his own behavior, he somehow converted his desire for snow into a kind of demand. His appearance and yes his preparation ought to result in the weather change.
I convinced him to watch for the temperature to rise above 72 with the idea that a number would be the catalyst to change, and then further convinced him to remove the toboggan, the gloves, the scarf, and finally the coat upon hitting 72. Reluctant at first, the rising temperature number was the final convincer, making Joel realize that his clothes did not cause the snow.
Still, what a nice dream for our dress to create weather change! Would it were so.
Choosing not to argue at that moment, we climbed in the truck for the 20 minute drive. I noticed the temperature in the truck read 64 degrees and climbing. Mentioning this to Joel, I also said it was likely going to be in the 80s by mid-morning with the sun shining brightly. He said no I was wrong that it was going to snow.
Perplexed by this pronouncement, I asked him why he believed it would snow. His response was that he was dressed for snow, therefore it would snow. I stayed quiet for a few minutes to reflect on this statement. Joel has never completely understood cause and effect. In some ways it has created some curiosity, but in other ways he simply rejects that idea. He knows that what he does can cause an effect of some kind or another, but he has a difficult time discerning or predicting what the effect will be. He cannot determine people's reactions and he cannot determine his own place in creating certain responses in other people. It is all a mystery to him.
This is partly why he wears ties, suits to football games and partly why it seems okay for him to wander around or sit when others are standing or hug when others are shaking hands or insist on playing the organ too loud or the myriad of behaviors Joel tends to do. He does not see anything wrong and cannot assess how people will react to him. Not only that, but their reactions have little meaning to him. He resides in his own tinted existence not worrying about how others see him. Consequently he does not pass judgment on other behaviors other than those events learned specifically out of experience or repetition of order. Cause and effect is peripheral at best in his world, a world without imagination and world requiring routine and order.
Deep down I suspect he knew that he could not cause it to snow simply by wearing warm clothes. He knows that neither nor anyone else governs the snow or lack thereof. Yet because he gives no thought to the reactions of other people, and because he often confuses the cause and effect of his own behavior, he somehow converted his desire for snow into a kind of demand. His appearance and yes his preparation ought to result in the weather change.
I convinced him to watch for the temperature to rise above 72 with the idea that a number would be the catalyst to change, and then further convinced him to remove the toboggan, the gloves, the scarf, and finally the coat upon hitting 72. Reluctant at first, the rising temperature number was the final convincer, making Joel realize that his clothes did not cause the snow.
Still, what a nice dream for our dress to create weather change! Would it were so.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Tough week
It has been a tough week, some of it due to my own theatre, but some due to external influences. And it was all exacerbated by my commitment to stop a nearly 50 year habit--nail-biting. I must come clean on this and express the truth, I am a devoted, relentless, non-stop nail biter and have been since being eye level with a puppy. It is a terrible vice but one that has provided immense relief and satisfaction for many years.
I have tried the various methods for quitting--nail polish, one finger at a time, accountability partners, prayer, constant gum or food, but nothing has helped. I continue to gnaw the nails as far as possible, often resulting in bleeding, pain, and grossly unsightly nails. Hands in pockets, gloves, fists have all been used in an effort to hide the truth. Yet in the end the reality shouts loud and clear--I am a consummate and complete nail-biter. Time to stop.
Yet as I type these words and can feel the nails almost touching the keys, my desire to chew them is nearly overwhelming. It is making me a nervous wreck. Four days now without biting and I want to pull out my hair (oops, another toughie!).
Added to this, I forgot to say goodbye to a good friend last Monday, I inadvertently created a lack of babysitter problem on Wednesday, and then said some silly things at various academic meetings on Friday. So it has been a tough week.
But I also recognize my own humanity and tendency to allow tension and stress to rule my reactions to events. Even as an objective and skilled administrator, I must admit to a lack of perfection. We learn from our mistakes, we grow from the weaknesses, and we only improve from recognition of the potential.
Recalling an award given to me in college where I was recognized as the "composer with the greatest capacity for improvement," I am thankful for the opportunity to improve. Improve I shall for aside from the mistakes, I am governed by desire for excellence. We press forward to the highest goals, knowing that occasionally there are bumps along the way.
I have tried the various methods for quitting--nail polish, one finger at a time, accountability partners, prayer, constant gum or food, but nothing has helped. I continue to gnaw the nails as far as possible, often resulting in bleeding, pain, and grossly unsightly nails. Hands in pockets, gloves, fists have all been used in an effort to hide the truth. Yet in the end the reality shouts loud and clear--I am a consummate and complete nail-biter. Time to stop.
Yet as I type these words and can feel the nails almost touching the keys, my desire to chew them is nearly overwhelming. It is making me a nervous wreck. Four days now without biting and I want to pull out my hair (oops, another toughie!).
Added to this, I forgot to say goodbye to a good friend last Monday, I inadvertently created a lack of babysitter problem on Wednesday, and then said some silly things at various academic meetings on Friday. So it has been a tough week.
But I also recognize my own humanity and tendency to allow tension and stress to rule my reactions to events. Even as an objective and skilled administrator, I must admit to a lack of perfection. We learn from our mistakes, we grow from the weaknesses, and we only improve from recognition of the potential.
Recalling an award given to me in college where I was recognized as the "composer with the greatest capacity for improvement," I am thankful for the opportunity to improve. Improve I shall for aside from the mistakes, I am governed by desire for excellence. We press forward to the highest goals, knowing that occasionally there are bumps along the way.
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