Tough week

It has been a tough week, some of it due to my own theatre, but some due to external influences. And it was all exacerbated by my commitment to stop a nearly 50 year habit--nail-biting. I must come clean on this and express the truth, I am a devoted, relentless, non-stop nail biter and have been since being eye level with a puppy. It is a terrible vice but one that has provided immense relief and satisfaction for many years.

I have tried the various methods for quitting--nail polish, one finger at a time, accountability partners, prayer, constant gum or food, but nothing has helped. I continue to gnaw the nails as far as possible, often resulting in bleeding, pain, and grossly unsightly nails. Hands in pockets, gloves, fists have all been used in an effort to hide the truth. Yet in the end the reality shouts loud and clear--I am a consummate and complete nail-biter. Time to stop.

Yet as I type these words and can feel the nails almost touching the keys, my desire to chew them is nearly overwhelming. It is making me a nervous wreck. Four days now without biting and I want to pull out my hair (oops, another toughie!).

Added to this, I forgot to say goodbye to a good friend last Monday, I inadvertently created a lack of babysitter problem on Wednesday, and then said some silly things at various academic meetings on Friday. So it has been a tough week.

But I also recognize my own humanity and tendency to allow tension and stress to rule my reactions to events. Even as an objective and skilled administrator, I must admit to a lack of perfection. We learn from our mistakes, we grow from the weaknesses, and we only improve from recognition of the potential.

Recalling an award given to me in college where I was recognized as the "composer with the greatest capacity for improvement," I am thankful for the opportunity to improve. Improve I shall for aside from the mistakes, I am governed by desire for excellence. We press forward to the highest goals, knowing that occasionally there are bumps along the way.