Joel Tucker, autistic since birth, is now 21. His identification card, bent from use, needed updating due to its reflecting a person younger than 21. So we headed to the Department of Public Safety to get a new ID card. His card is carried around his neck with his house key. This helps him remember his home address and allows others to know him in case he is limited in his verbal expression on any given day. It is readily accessible, visible, and clearly delineates him as possibly needing help or protection. What better way to provide protection for our son than to ask the local law enforcement to update his ID card for him.
We have struggled for years to achieve a balance of letting people know of Joel's disabilities but at the same time needing to allow him to fit in with society. It makes for a healthy tension in our presentation of our son. There have been countless times that I wanted to shout in a megaphone, "My son Joel is autistic and requires more time, patience, and understanding than most people." But how proper is it to label a human as different when there is also great gain in blending in with others? So we walk on the parental tightrope of helping him while encouraging a degree of independence. The ID around his neck is simply a tool to help him and others in case of a situation.
Walking into the Department of Public Safety office, Joel and I approached the desk where I explained that he needed to update his ID card since he was now 21. The lady at the desk shoved a form at us and said to answer questions 1-11. I mentioned he did not have nor need a drivers license. She said we had to fill it out anyway. Joel and I then walked over to the wall, stood at a counter and began answering the questions on the form. No question was difficult but they did require a moment of pause in answering. A funny moment occurred when the fourth question asked if Joel wanted to be an organ donor. He laughed at the question and said no, he wanted to keep all organs. I realized he was thinking about pipe organs not internal human organs. I explained to him about what it actually meant and he decided yes he would donate his organs.
The third question asked if he had any condition in communication that police officers would need to know. Joel said yes and wrote he was verbally disabled, which is true. When we were nearly completed with the form another rather brash lady approached Joel and proceeded to tell him that his current ID was invalid because it had a hole in it. We had punched a hole in his ID card to attach a lanyard to it and hang it around his neck. She was quite critical of this and told Joel he was not to do that again. Joel had no clue about her criticism and simply nodded at her. I interrupted the harsh lady and asked her if she had a better method for Joel to use. We had a brief discussion about using a little window system and placing the ID inside it. Easy enough solution.
We finished the form and returned to the first lady who looked at Joel and said in a loud, rude voice, "Can you talk?" Joel nodded and I began to seethe at her brusqueness. She then said louder, "Can you understand what I am saying to you." As her voice got louder my blood pressure rose several points. Joel looked at her quizzically and said yes he understood her. She said that by answering yes to number three, we would need to fill out several more forms and get a doctor's statement. She said it would be easier to say "NO" that he did not have a condition that prevented communication. I sighed and pointed out that his disability was well-documented at the Social Security office as well as the County courthouse. I then naively asked why the state law enforcement did not have access to the Social Security files or the county information. She told me "we do not operate that way." I shrugged and said okay.
We then filled out the form again with number three as a "NO." After pointing out that Joel was not allowed to be an organ donor since he did not have a drivers license, she took the picture for the card. Finding out the new ID card would arrive in approximately six weeks, we left. As we were leaving, the 2nd harsh lady sort of apologized for her rudeness and said in the military they were not allowed to punch holes in anything. Since that made zero sense to me and I'm sure Joel was completely in the dark on what the military had to do with anything, I simply nodded and said thanks and left.
It was not a good experience and had Joel been by himself, it would have been a disaster. Our world is a difficult one for autistics. Forms, lines, terms, money, people, travel, and social behavior all make for a difficult existence for a disabled adult. Many of the things that are required are a mystery and without patience, kindness, and great tolerance a disabled adult cannot function adequately. I would hope and encourage our "service" departments take on a helpful approach to people and recognize that not everyone is the same. Rude behavior to a young man who cannot fully comprehend the subtleties is unacceptable, in fact rude behavior is unacceptable to anyone. Our son requires protection from the difficult challenges of the world. How sad it is when the challenge comes from the office workers of our law enforcement.
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