Sex and appeal in Autism

Sexual desire cannot be denied even for autistic teenagers, but because of the socialization process, a process that is mysterious for autistics, sexual desire is natural rather than forced. This makes for an awkward enculturation and confusion of responses. How should he react?

Although heavily debated, there is no doubt that beauty is a shared response of collective wisdom and current trends. We notice that oil paintings in the 16th century and earlier show women to be rather curvy, often with layers of fat that we would now consider excessive. Since an autistic teenager does not learn from the socialization around him, his reactions to beauty are devoid of external influences at least to an extent. He learns by what he feels or is able to assimilate objectively. The curious need for truth and precision butts up against the artistic need for beauty. This means his sexual responses are not governed by what others tell him or what the media portrays but instead are lead from within.

And Joel, our autiistic 20 year old son, does not seek after bikini clad, thin blondes with large bosoms. Instead he responds, but not necessarily sexually, to young ladies who are nice to him. They are not always beautiful by modern standards but instead have the kind of authentic pleasantry that he seeks in people. This makes him separate the physical from the personal. Perhaps all of us intend this in our social circles, yet I suspect if the truth were revealed, we would discover a latent sexual agenda in many people.

For Joel and likely for many autistics, he is a sexual being not dependent on the looks of the opposite sex. It really means nothing to him and he is not able to judge anyone on the basis of appearance. His sexual desires are normal and a result of growing up, not a result of what anyone has told him, not a result of the media. He is in fact disturbed by nudity and not comfortable around the flirty kind of physical response of teenagers. He cannot act that way and therefore does not understand such behavior.

It is all refreshing to know that his sexuality is not dependent on seeing inappropriate pictures or watching a beautiful young lady, but is a natural growth of what is in him. While he cannot determine what the future holds, we are certain that he is not driven by the media's description of sex appeal. This is comforting for us. Now we need to help him understand himself. A taller order.