Childhood to Adult--the Convincing Conundrum

Using every educational technique available to us, just like all caring parents, we try to convince Joel what to do and how to adjust. This was true when he was a child and remains true today. Often it seems hopeless while at other times it actually happens. But we hold our breaths when he won't be convinced.

Some of the problem is his stubbornness, a character trait that is not unique to autistics and certainly not applied to all children with autism. He gets locked into an idea and will not let go of the concept regardless of the level of reasoning presented. Once it is in head, that is the way it is and no amount of convincing otherwise will alter that idea. It makes for extremely stressful moments and arguments without a good result.

Is it his personality? Is it due to autism? Is it the lack of maturation or cognitive development? Perhaps a combination of all these leads to the behavior. Joel has times of compliance and acceptance of the circumstances around him, but other times of resistance. It is the resistant times that makes our lives difficult and reminds us of the ongoing challenges of raising an autistic child.

Do you need some examples? Okay, here you go. Shower time--always a battle. He has no conception of time and often lets the shower run for 20-30 minutes without getting in. This means we have to monitor him to get it done. Clothes--he insists on dressing up including a tie even on days where it is not appropriate, like to a football game. Playing organ--he believes it is his right and obligation to practice everyday after work. Some days don't allow for that so he gets very upset about the change in schedule. Little things like wanting an RC cola, or packing for a trip a week early, or eating a whole bag of chips and hot sauce, or pouring half the chocolate syrup into the milk. All these and more tend to become major battles of concern for him. While we often give in for the sake of harmony, other times we work to teach him why it is best to do something different.

Yet the truth remains: if he is not receptive to reason, then all reasoning is in vain. So we try to get him to calm down, think rationally, see the bigger picture, and be less contentious about his own preconceived ideas. We try and sometimes succeed. This has been true for 20 years.

So it is a puzzle as to why Joel still has moments where he is insistent on certain things regardless of our efforts to convince him otherwise. It makes for tension and stress that families rarely experience. I suspect he will have these moments the rest of his life. Luckily, however, they do seem to be diminishing in frequency and in length. Just something for us to handle and always be aware of the potential of such times.