Yesterday Joel mentioned he would like to go eat Mexican food for dinner. This was not an unusual request since Joel could live his life eating chips and salsa with great gusto and joyous unbridled happiness. But after he gave his request, I smiled and said that sounded good and that I was happy that Mexican food "floated his boat." This comment resulted in a very peculiar look of confusion from Joel and reminded of the issue of literal interpretation.
One of the typical characteristics of autism is the inability to understand subtleties and expressions. This has caused many years of clarifying, restatement, and some humorous situations. I recall the time when Joel ate three hamburgers while watching his younger brother play basketball. After the game, while we were driving home, I asked Joel if he had a hollow leg. A few minutes later, I saw Joel tapping on his leg and I finally asked him what he was doing. He turned to me and asked which one of his legs was hollow!
We have learned to qualify our language and be more precise with our meanings. Often, though, we forget and use creative language to fit the situation. My wife, in trying to get Joel focused on finishing his homework, told him that if he didn't finish it soon, it would be something that would keep "hanging over his head." Later she saw Joel touching his head and when she asked him why he said he wondered if his homework had become a crown on his head.
One of my big mistakes was telling Joel that deer meat could cause him to grow horns on his head. He then started feeling his head for the horns and refused to eat deer meat until I convinced him it was a joke. Another time, he was talking on my cell phone to my wife and after the call, I told him to "hang up the phone." He tried desperately to actually hang the phone on different items in the car before I realized what he was doing and weakly explained that "hanging up the phone" does not actually mean to hang up the phone.
We have explained "money doesn't grow on trees," "a New York minute," "slow as a seven year itch," "dry as a bone," "squeaky clean," and "did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?" One of the most confusing was "you could end up in the doghouse!" All these and more need explanation and clarifying for Joel. Words and phrases we take for granted that everyone understands often require deciphering and clear definition for Joel.
In the end, it has become an enjoyable family game to be exact, clear, precise, and kind in our language and in our treatment of each other. For Joel, we are literal, loving, and without excessive loquaciousness. We do this for Joel and as always, it is worth it.
2 comments:
There is something incredibly endearing in your stories about Joel's literality. It made me smile to think of him tapping his leg to figure out if it was hollow.
I like your blog.
I wonder if the author remembers the time when his mother asked him who put the ink stain on the bedspread because it didn't just "get there on its own." He let his younger brother take the heat for that one, only to finally confess years later that he was, in fact, the perpetrator. Maybe Joel is better off not understanding abstract meanings.
Post a Comment