Each day

Each morning, after we knew something was wrong, and after we had done some preliminary research into the problem, we wondered and often prayed for something magical and wonderful to occur during the night. Maybe the normal fairy had visited Joel and waved a wand containing "typical" and "common" dust all over him and he would wake as the same Joel but with all the normal characteristics found in young boys of his age.

Each morning, we would wake him full of hope and desire that all the problems would have disappeared into the night and that Joel would be all the things we wanted him to be. But all our hopes were in vain. Instead, day after day, we encountered the same autistic boy he was the day before. No change. No hope and no altering of the truth. Our Joel was and is autistic.

The days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, and the months into years. We eventually accepted that there was no magic cure and no sudden change and that Joel would not suddenly become the boy we wanted him to be. The passing of time resulted in a type of resignation of reality. An acceptance of the truth and no longer a fatuous belief in the dream of transformation of our son.

But as the years melded together, we began our transformation. I am not sure if the change happened suddenly or was a slow but deliberate altering of the unconscious. The acceptance and resignation of who Joel was, became something new and exciting. We changed and with it our view of Joel. Instead of being an anomaly with limited gifts and peculiar behavior, Joel became a superb example of all that is good in human nature.

When we woke each day seeking change in Joel, instead what we ultimately sought was change in ourselves. It was our hearts that transformed and our minds that changed and our goals that found the truth. Instead of imagining the golden horizon of perfection that existed in our dreams, our dreams were and are right in front of us. The golden utopia and the amalgamation of our hearts and minds are manifested in our son Joel. Joel who makes the world a better place. Joel who offers love, patience, tolerance, and above all joy to all he meets.

Now each day we wake, anxiously anticipating the boy who has made a difference in all of us. The magic dust that we looked for happened many years ago and it happened to Joel, it happened to us, and it happens to those who meet him. Your happiness may be in front of you: find it, embrace it, and be thankful for it. Joy comes in many forms and many sizes--for us, it is our children, and we love Joel just the way he is. We now recognize the blessing poured upon us in the form of the incredible boy Joel. We did not deserve him but he is ours just the same. For that we are lucky and thankful.