Questioning Joel as to why his money gets depleted so quickly, and assuming it was due to buying cokes and chips from a machine, he casually mentioned that a lady had needed $20 to help her grandson. Red flags went up in my mind and I began asking him more questions. Asking Joel questions is a delicate art and one I have not mastered as of yet. Too many questions often ends up having the reverse effect of no answers, usually resulting in Joel saying "Too many questions." So I have to ask questions slowly and very benignly, almost indirectly with the hope of determining the truth. While Joel cannot tell a lie, he does tend to leave out details and speak as though the event were typical of any other event. To him all situations are normal and do not warrant any kind of emotional reaction different from any other reaction. All things are the same.
Subscribing to the philosophy of "make all you can, save all you can, give away all you can," my boys have often seen me give money to the homeless, the indigent, and yes to those who ask. Sometimes I witness to them, sometimes remind them to use the money wisely, and sometimes simply say "God Bless You." While it is possible and maybe likely the receiver uses the money for something other than good, I let it go with the idea that I did the right thing and hopefully the person will share the same concept. But for better or worse my children are the same way. They tend to be generous when they can, making a difference in their small corner of the world. I am proud of them for this characteristic and would not want it any other way.
Back to Joel. Unlike my other two boys, he does not have any powers of discernment. I am generous with people but also am aware of the lies that rarely but possibly accompany the requests for money. I recall a dicey situation years ago in San Antonio when a man insisted I give him money to pay for a bus for his wife and child who was sick. He said that his car broke down and he could not get it fixed. I asked him where they were and why he had no grease on his hands. He became angry with me and threatened bodily harm. Luckily a police officer saw us and urged the fellow to leave the area.
Joel does not know the difference. He assumes everyone is telling the truth, all are honest, all are good, nobody would ever do anything wrong. We discussed the lady with the grandson only to discover that the child was not present in the car. The lady requested $20 and Joel gave it to her. I reminded him that while most people are honest it is possible to encounter someone who is lying. He said no. He told me that everyone is good and bad guys disappeared in the 1970s and now can only be found on television.
I do not want to erase Joel's inherent goodness and his positive belief in all people's honesty, but I do wish there were a way to teach him discernment. At this point however, I do not believe it is possible. Joel will always see the world through his own rose tinted glasses. This is a quality that makes Joel the innocent special child he is and the quality that draws people to him. It is also the quality we have to watch and protect him from the possible times that others may intend some kind of harm.
May the road Joel walks throughout his life be filled with people who intend good and may Joel always rise to the goodness he finds in others. Charity, a dangerously wonderful quality, and one that makes the world a better place.
1 comment:
I wouldn't have even thought of checking the man's hands for grease. Good call. I recently gave a guy 2 dollars in quarters for a similar reason (broke down w/ family, etc.) at the gas station for him to haggle a couple of more times and then walk over shamelessly to Braums. As I finished pumping my gas I watched him ordering through the glass.
If he had just said he was hungry I would have bought him a burger. My beef was with his lies. I now subscribe to the idea survival of the fittest. Though, I am glad Joel does/can not.
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