Autism and its toll

Just read about the mother who strangled her two autistic children, claiming that she couldn't handle them anymore. In her demented mind, she seemed to think that their behavior justified her own horrific actions. Plus she insisted that we try to understand her plight, her fears, her situation, that we place ourselves in her position. But try as we might, killing our own children, regardless of their disability, is beyond comprehension.

Assuming her madness, the extreme state of her fragile mind, her feeling of hopelessness, and her desire to escape her cage of parental responsibility, we still wonder at a woman who had nowhere to turn, who gave up, who sought no help, who destroyed lives while destroying her own soul.

But rather than focus on the mother, let's take a moment to think about the children. Not knowing enough particulars to speak accurately, I feel a need to remind people that nobody wants to be autistic. This is not a desirable trait nor a choice. Children are not born hoping to be autistic. It is not a profession, an ambition, a dream in any sense. Autism is a disability that continues to afflict millions of children and adults. Unlike poor judgment or indecision, autism is not something that a child takes upon himself for attention or desire or success. It is not something to be rewarded or affirmed--"You are doing such a great job of being autistic." It is not a desirable disability. Children don't want it and parents do not want it for their children.

But it happens. It doesn't always happen to other people, it can happen to your children or your grandchildren. It is not an abstract, albeit oddly fascinating event that we read about in science fiction books or watch movies hoping to learn a little about the curious disability known as autism, it is real and those afflicted are around you.

A child with autism cannot suddenly change himself, rid himself of the disability, or pretend to understand the outside world. The world is a mystery compounded by the inability to adjust easily to the social norms of culture. Social contractarianism, a process children learn as they grow, is without any kind of meaning to a child with autism. It is a tough existence for a child as well as a parent, working hard to find a way to cope in a world that is entirely different from the world inside the head.

But there is also good news. There is a lot of help for parents and for children suffering with autism. While it is vastly difficult, and at times seems hopeless, in reality hope is prevalent and help is a phone call, email, book, or video away. For those whose lives are filled with despair with seemingly nowhere to turn, I encourage you to find a support group and learn how to help your child adjust. To the mother who destroyed her children as well as her own soul, perhaps the only good is the reminder that autism is serious and we should always urge those suffering to avoid the same vicious trappings of loneliness and hopelessness. Seek help. There are many who want to help.