Communication--ongoing challenges

His voice is too soft he has trouble looking a people in the eyes, and it is difficult to have meaningful or creative conversation. He is able to answer questions, respond using short answers, nod, smile, and can use his body to reflect the nature of the conversation. Yet when responses begin to require creativity or use picturesque language or take a deeper approach, he tends to shut the mental door and seeks to escape the situation. The person we are discussing is Joel Tucker, our 20 year old autistic son.

The problems of communication are compounded by Joel's tendency to believe that others are thinking the same thoughts he is thinking. When asked what he thinks other people are thinking, he responds with his own thoughts rather than working to perceiving what others might be thinking. Connected to this problem is his inability to understand facial expressions and respond according to what he sees. Not recognizing bad moods or anger or fear in other people, he assumes everyone is happy and thinking what he thinks. This then causes verbal communication to be redundant and unnecessary.

The talking soft is a little harder to explain since he seems to enjoy playing the piano and the organ at extreme volumes. Somehow, though, it is related to expressing what is inside him. Since it is basically unnecessary due to other people thinking what he thinks, it is not important to speak loud enough for others to hear. Unfortunately, this means that those who are hearing impaired or simply a little hard of hearing assume that Joel simply does not speak. They cannot hear him, he doesn't move his mouth very much, so he does not communicate. Since the expectation is for him not to speak, and human beings generally fulfill the level of expectations set forth, Joel responds by talking less.

Yet communication can take many forms including cell phones and body language, both of which he practices to great success. He enjoys texting on his phone and time has shown us how to read his body language. As is usual with Joel, we do not have the answers to his communication challenges, but we do have the tenacity to keep trying, to discover, to help, to suggest, and mostly to love. Somehow, someway he gets the point!