Cliches and Expressions

Driving to another city last night and needing to make a stop, we looked for the best place that would be quick but provide for some necessities. After stopping the truck and getting out and because we are in the coldest part of Winter, I said, "Brrr, it's colder than a banker's heart out here," and proceeded to hurry in the store. We bought a couple of things, got back in the truck and headed out.

Approximately 30 minutes later, from the back seat I hear Joel, our autistic 20 year old son, say "Dad, why do you say colder than a banker's heart? Why don't you say colder than a polar bear's heart or a teacher's heart or a worker's heart or anything else. Why do you say banker?"

Joel's disability causes a lack of understanding of subtleties, expressions, and cliches, particular those kinds of phrases that are metaphorical or analogous. This problem is connected to the lack of creativity that is inherent with forms of autism, a missing element that allows for a depth of thinking and perception of the environment. Unfortunately, creativity can also be the element that leads to deception, lying, stealing, and manipulation--all traits that do not exist in Joel.

An expression such as "cold as a banker's heart" not only compares weather conditions to a person, it also compares the situation to a particular item, in this case a heart. In addition, it requires a depth of concept of the heart that goes beyond the physical thing and into an emotional analysis. So a person who hears this phrase processes it in several ways: 1) It is cold outside, 2) A banker is a person who works in a bank, 3) A heart keeps the blood flowing in the body, 4) A heart is also used as a reference tool for love and compassion in a person, and 5) A cold heart is not literally possible without death, 6) In this case, the heart is an emotion, 7)The emotion must be a lack of compassion. After putting these things together, the typical person might smile (or if he is a banker, might be irritated!), might disagree, might laugh uproariously (doubtful) or simply focus attention on the cold weather rather than considering the insult to the poor, innocent (is that possible?) banker!

Back to Joel. When he heard this phrase, he was not able to process through the phrase and conclude that it is both cold and a banker is without compassion. In fact, the phrase makes no literal sense whatsoever. No person living can have a cold heart. A banker is a living person. He does not have a cold heart, therefore the phrase is not a truth.

But the phrase also has another problem for Joel. It assumes that people are aware of the bias against banking officers who call in debt and are without the compassion of forgiveness. Yet for Joel there are two problems, 1)he does not have an understanding of the role of a banker, 2) he does not understand insults nor negative actions of people. Joel believes in the good in everyone and has never met anyone he doesn't like. In fact, Joel cannot imagine a person doing something bad to another person. Everyone is good so how can a banker have a cold heart? On many levels, it is a phrase that cannot be comprehended by Joel.

Joel serves as a reminder to me to avoid several things in conversation with him. Analogies, metaphors, insults, and poor humor! The easiest level for quick understanding is literal, direct, concrete, and mostly positive. This is a pattern that works best in conversation with most autistic children.

The next morning when we ventured outside, I looked at Joel and said, "brrr...it sure is cold." He said with a grin, "It's colder than an Eskimo." I'm guessing he thought of that and was anxious to use it. Truth is that his metaphor made sense whereas mine really did not!