Stamp out stubbed toes

In the night or the early morning when all the other Tuckers are asleep, I often awaken wanting to read or exercise or watch an old show or write music or write a blog or simply go out on the front porch, provided the weather permits, and watch the stars or listen to the sounds of the darkness, or get a drink of water. I then reach for my glasses, roll out of bed very carefully so as not to disturb my wife, and begin my trek through the maze, the obstacle course, toward the kitchen, hoping to reach the small light under the cabinets that will permit me an unimpeded reach toward a glass. But my hopes are usually in vain, for inevitably something is in the way.

It could be the piano which has not moved an inch in nearly 10 years, or the rug which is very low to the ground, or perhaps the coffee table, or the little rocking chair, or maybe a Yahtzee game or maybe the television remote or a piece of candy. Whatever it is, whether soft or hard, I somehow hurt my toe everytime, and it is not fun.

When I was growing and would hurt my toe on an object, my dad would always say, "Ouch, you stubbed your toe." The word stub is usually used as a noun, but can be an intransitive verb meaning "to strike accidentally against a small object" (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stub). So my dad's usage of the word stub was correct, and it is always nice to learn a new word, but it did not change the pain of the situation and in fact sort of exacerbated it in the way that all dads seem to frustrate their children at times with brutally honest statements. Yes, Dad, I stubbed my toe and yes it hurts and yes I feel very dumb not to mention the throbbing pain in my toe.

Now, you would think that the whole stubbing of the toe problem would disappear as a person matures. For example, I no longer have acne the way I did when a teenager, and I no longer have loose teeth (loose hair, yes, but not loose teeth). I have outgrown many negative behaviors and no longer run everywhere I go (okay, I do walk briskly). So why can I not outgrow this stubbing toe problem? Could it be I have long toes? Or could it be that I am simply clumsy? Or just not very careful? Or have I always insisted on trying to walk in the darkness?

But I have decided to solve the problem in this way: house shoes. I will not walk around in bare feet again since I have received house shoes as a Christmas gift. I now awaken, reach for my glasses, roll out of bed, put the house shoes on, and walk gracefully to kitchen without screaming in agony. Stamp out stubbed toes I say. Happy New Year to pain free toe existence.