Reasoning with Joel based on common sense procedures is a difficult endeavor due to his inability to accept cause and effect. He cannot understand how to improve efficiency or comfort or ease of practice. When one method has worked, whether our perception of success would be different or not, Joel tends to stay with that method regardless of the circumstances. As responsible guardians we continue to walk the tight-rope of giving him latitude and allowing him to make his own mistakes, hoping he will learn from the situation and improve the next time. We often remind him of ways to improve, of things to consider, of various methods to make his life easier, quicker, more convenient, but unfortunately, his natural inclination is to keep it the same way regardless of its efficacy.
We do have ways, however, of helping Joel deal with his general lack of common sense and awareness. We translate the experience into some kind of order, often using numbers to demonstrate the need. Rather than saying "go pack your bag for the upcoming trip," we will instead say, "go count the number of items you required for the upcoming trip." We then later remind him to pack the exact number needed. Obviously there are potential problems with this system in that he may leave something out or not count a needed item, and yet insist that he has the correct number. But the upside of this system is that he is able to order things in his mind and simplify the overriding goal into one aggregate.
Being autistic is often overwhelming with the sheer plethora of information coming at you constantly. An autistic cannot process everything around him quickly nor easily, and it becomes a tornado of sounds, sights, and images that have little to no cohesiveness in their delivery. The opportunity to reduce the unnecessary, paring down the essential information into a number or numbers is blissful to an autistic. This is true for nearly all situations, circumstances, and goals. We help him order his goals, aiming for one final number to be considered the main goal or purpose. When we express the objectives, the plans, the expectations in terms of a number, Joel's eyes light up and he quickly comprehends what is about to happen. He may not always understand how the ordered numbers work together to accomplish the necessary goal, but he is willing to and excited about taking those exact steps.
Sometimes this requires a great deal of specificity but at other times, it can be expressed in generalities. The more specific the expression, the better quality will be the results. Conversely, the more general is the list, the more breadth of accomplishment is performed. If cleaning his room is the requirement, we will see more accomplishment by listing the order of how to make that happen. "Joel, do five things: 1) make your bed, 2) pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper, 3) place your shoes in your closet, 4) stack your games on the night stand, 5) pick up any papers or trash on the floor and place in the trash can." We then follow up with: "Joel, please do those 5 things: bed, clothes, shoes, games, trash." We then anticipate success.
Or we could try the old unsuccessful method: (LOUD VOICE) "Joel, go clean up your room now and do it right." In a frustration moment, we might start listing all the things that should happen to get the room cleaned, but without a strict order of events, to an autistic it will feel like standing in an anthill wondering what is happening or a storm of oobleck falling upon his head and making everything sticky. The clarity of numbers provides clarity of thought for Joel.
We have learned to get his attention by taking away distractions, presenting the overall goal and purpose, then ordering and numbering the events. We wish we could always apply a time-table to the instructions but time remains a mysterious abstraction to Joel and likely always will. With this in mind, we allow greater time for accomplishment than would normally be needed and continually remind ourselves for patience, wisdom, and clarity.
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