Christmas Blues

I have been feeling a little blue as this Christmas season progresses, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it is the stress of getting presents for all my family members. Or maybe it is the general busyness that accompanies the life of a musician at this time of year. Or perhaps the blues are a reaction to the constant red and green that seems to permeate the clothes, decorations, cards, ornaments, and even the cars. It seems that every time I look somewhere I see green and red. The other night, as I walked into a theater to experience an enjoyable evening of Christmas Gospel music, I felt accosted by the color red and the shining festive glitter that emanated from the people in the audience and extended to the poinsettias on the stage. It was just too much for my brain, and I felt that odd but recurring desire to escape into a world of books and thinking where colors do not seem to matter. Yet, at the same time, it was an overtly fun concert, well performed, thrilling, warm, and entertaining, the perfect event for this time of year.

So why am I a little down? Is it due to some kind of insecurity on my part? Maybe it is the fear of tomorrow that seeps into my thought process--fear of failure, fear of success, fear of Joel's future, and for that matter all my children's futures; not really fear, more like curiosity or anticipation maybe. Perhaps my blues are caused from the simple concern of getting everything done or leaving something out. What if I forget a friend or a family member or get the wrong gift or spend too much on one person and not enough on another? Or run out of money before buying presents for everyone. Or the fear that my truck with high mileage decides to hang it up. Or maybe I have the blues because I am worrying about little things and in the deep recesses of my mind, I realize how silly it is to be concerned over things that don't really matter.

Or maybe it is the sense that we are somehow missing the boat in all this Christmas stuff. While it is a little cliched to attack the glitz and glitter and excessive materialism of this time of year, it is difficult not to do so, for in truth, Christmas should be about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and honoring the life of the greatest man to ever walk the earth, a man born of a virgin, a man who spent 30 years preparing for an incredible 3 year ministry, and a man who gave of himself so others may live. A man who changed the world and continues to have vast influence over our lives individually and collectively. The son of God, the Lord of my life.

There is nothing wrong with celebrating and I enjoy it as much as anyone. To celebrate can mean many things from loud music, to dancing, to general festivities, to food and candy, concerts, excitement, joy, affirmation, sharing, and most of all, openly expressing happiness in a multitude of ways. This year, however, I seem to have a monastic desire, almost a requirement, to celebrate quietly in a tranquil setting that seeks to calm the fears, quell the anxiety, envelope the inner senses, feed the soul, and reject the vain shallowness that pervades our cosmetic culture and desultory delusions. But, you know what? It is not that simple, for I really do not want to escape that which is the core of my world. My computer, my cell phone, my family, my music, my things, my talents, my friends. All shape me into who I am, for I like my shallow life, and, conversely, I like my profound life. I like the journey of existence that takes me from materialism to spiritualism, from the concrete to the abstract, the known and obvious to the unknown and subtle. All are important, and all provide sustenance for our Christmas experience. Ironically, being selfish can provide the means to becoming selfless, which ultimately could be what Christmas is all about.

So I conclude this odd essay ambiguously by encouraging our holiday time to be an acceptance of festivities, the color red, expressive joy, excessive spending, sharing, wrapping, shopping, dancing (figuratively of course since dancing is not a personal gift) and singing. But, no doubt, I also will find the time to meditate, to supplicate, to pray in abject humility, and to dedicate myself to inner peace and soul serenity, free of the cacophonous discord that seems to balance precariously on the precipice of an emotional abyss, that either sends a person on a free fall with no end, or supplies the foundational fortitude necessary for success at any time of the year.

Christmas--buy your presents, receive your gifts, celebrate loudly and have fun, but do not forget to take a moment or two for reflection of the depth of Christ, His life, His sacrifice, His teachings, and His purpose. Coincidentally, as I write this entry, I feel lifted out of the blues and into the reds! Time to be happy.