The Altered State of Thumbness

When I awoke, I was a thumb. This condition was unusual of course, but even more unusual in that I was not a normal thumb. I was unattached, unattractive, and non-functioning. I wanted to be a person again but instead was a thumb--stubby, round, wrinkled in spots, and limited. I was old, ugly, effete, and walked in a galumph style not unlike a wounded tortoise. My senses were in tact to an extent and, sadly, my mental faculties were keen as ever, although I felt them diminishing quickly, but my reaction time was slow due to the physical impulses being stark and unrefined.

When I looked in the mirror, I almost blended in with the mirror in a doleful and colorless countenance, bland and dull and weathered, with a gray-like hue similar to an old discarded hat left outside for centuries. When I was a human, I was concerned with looking good and smelling nice, but as a thumb I realized that I was odorless. I smelled neither good nor bad. For the first time in my life, I desired to smell bad for to have an odor was to exist. And to have a pungence, whether good or bad, gave me a purpose--to improve it. But as a thumb, I had no odor for which to direct my attentions. I vowed to get rid of all cologne and wryly wondered why I had ever bought it in the first place.

At first I was somewhat hopeful since the thumb generally serves a great need on the human hand. The thumb normally aids in picking things up, typing the space bar, gripping items, hitching a ride, pushing on small items, and many other useful skills. On the surface, being a thumb is not a bad existence; except, in my case, I was unattached. The benefits of being a thumb are tremendous provided the thumb is connected to the hand. The fingers depend on the thumb and the thumb needs the fingers. They comprise a team of five that can accomplish amazing things when working together, but without each other, they individually have virtually nothing. As I viewed the situation, I realized that without being connected to anything, I was virtually and in reality nothing.

But not all was in vain in that I was not a typical thumb. I had eyes, ears, arms, and legs, but no mouth. I could think as a person but could only act as a thumb. My state of nothingness, however, was not all that unique I realized, having lived for years without the knowledge that some other people around me were thumbs as well. Many thumbs, formerly humans, were walking around in a state of non-being. I found myself nodding at them, waving at them, and acknowledging them in that expected manner that thumbs without mouths normally acknowledge them. They were plentiful. Why had I not seen this before?

I wanted to know what led to their thumbness for to discover the root of their transformation might be the answer to returning to a human state. When we recognize the cause of our problems, it is a then a short step to dissolving those problems. Why are we thumbs? What can be done? Are we destined to live our lives as thumbs, accomplishing very little, and being very insignificant, having little purpose, receiving no recognition, and having little connection to the very world in which we reside? Strangely, while these thoughts invaded my cognition, I was not emotionally engaged in them. Instead, I became objective and sterile in my thinking which in many ways was more frightening than my physical state. In short, I didn't care about anything and was comfortable being a thumb. I didn't learn, I didn't grow, I didn't respond, I didn't.

Since I couldn't talk (for want of a mouth), my thoughts made no difference. On the one hand, I was unable to harm but also unable to impart anything. I could write but saw no need since a thumb should have no reason for writing. My purpose was to be a thumb without fingers, and thumb without fingers is purposeless thereby resulting in a void, a psychological black hole. I had a physical appearance and filled space, I was not invisible, but was obviously transparent since no one, not even other thumbs, acknowledged my existence. And, sadly, it was a satisfactory life--nary a care in the world.

Yet, in the deepest recesses of my mind, I sought to escape the complacency and apathy that threatened to rule my every step. I begged for release from my captured nothingness and decided to wage a war against my desire to be satisfied with my existence as a thumb. Superficially, being a thumb was easy and nondescript and benignant without joy or sorrow. Since I was no longer a human, I had no need for those kind of emotions. They were unnecessary and not a part of our lives as thumbs. Intrinsically, however, I wanted more. I wanted to rise out of my cave of shadows and into the world of feelings, fear, joy, anger, love, and subjectivity. But how?

I continued my hopeless trek through time as a thumb without a purpose and without any kind of meaning. The other thumbs assumed that I, like them, was contented and had purged myself of the desire for change or even improvement. But little did they know I was committed to returning to my human state. It would happen and only I could make it happen. I would care once again.

Suddenly, without any kind of announcement or preparation, I witnessed the event that would return me back to a human state. I saw an old disheveled thumb shaking in the gutter of a forlorn, little used street. I walked over to him and sense something familiar about him. Maybe it was his mannerism, or maybe it was the strange whorls in the center, or maybe I so desperately needed something from the past, my imagination sought him out. Whatever the case, I knew him from before my thumbness. I also knew without a doubt he was crying for me and not himself. He was a lost cause but he didn't want me to be the same. I cannot say who he was only that I knew him. My memories were abandoning me quickly, but at the same time, I knew he was someone from my past.

As I saw his despair, I vowed it wouldn't happen to me. I felt his compassion for my plight and his concern lifted me out of my state. I experienced a rushing whirlwind of psychological spinning as I was hurtled through space and eventually back to my own previous existence. I woke up in a sweat, and breathing hard, I ran to the mirror and saw the human me. With a smile, a spring, and an optimism, I walked among the other humans proudly and honorably. Occasionally, however, I will stop and glance at my thumb, glad I have it and glad that is not all I have!